Il Monon Behavior Research Department non poteva non dare il proprio sostegno per la candidatura di
Trieste a Città Europea della Scienza 2020.
Appena abbiamo saputo che la Commissione avrebbe dovuto leggere un report di 200 pagine, subito ci siamo messi nei loro panni e abbiamo esclamato "che coioni!".
Quindi abbiamo prodotto questo
paper di 4 pagine che semplificherà di molto il lavoro ai muloni che devono prendere questa difficile decisione. Daghe!
Trieste:
European City of Science 2020?
DIEGO
MANNA
Monon
Behavior Research Department
Abstract
The
marvelous city of Trieste is one of the two candidates to become the
European City of Science 2020. We provide here a fundamental study to
help the Supervisory Committee in its difficult final decision
without reading a long full bid, saving in this way a lot of precious
time that could instead be spent happily in Trieste. Yes, obviously
we sustain Trieste. Even with psychological subliminal colored brain
manipulation. Trieste. Trieste.
Trieste is good.
You love
Trieste.
Key
words: ESOF, cevapčiči, pint of science, no se pol, hangover
Introduction
ESOF (EuroScience
Open Forum) is the largest interdisciplinary science meeting in
Europe. This biennial European forum brings together over 4,000
researchers, educators, business actors, policy makers and
journalists from all over the world to discuss breakthroughs in
science and give them a platform for discussions on science and
society, policy and business issues.
Yes, the part above
is a shameless copy-paste from the web. But this is the introduction,
and the introduction is always a clever work of copy-paste (Vinavil,
2016).
At the end of the
first selection, two candidates remained in play to host the ESOF and
become European City of Science 2020: Trieste and the combo
Leiden/The Hague in the Netherlands. As Leiden and The Hague are
actually two different cities, some wise strategists suggested to
Trieste to ally with its historic evil neighbor enemy: the city of
Udine. But Trieste heroically refused and will face the last battle
only with its own force, as shown in fig. Yoda (Yoda, 32 BBY).
|
Fig. Yoda. Yoda encouraging Trieste to face the battle alone. |
So,
now Trieste has to produce a complete full bid of 200 pages to
convince the Supervisory Committee to select it. 200 pages. Yes, 200
pages.
Even if you read
them very rapidly it will take about 3 minutes/page (Vicki the Robot,
1986), for a total of 3 x 200 = 600 minutes, i.e. 10 hours, i.e. more
than an entire day of work, i.e. more than an entire month of work
for triestin people.
As we know that this
could be a very boring and long job, with this paper we want to help
the Supervisory Committee to take its final decision without reading
nothing. Only this short paper. Because short is better. Like
Maradona. Or Messi.
P.s. You
love Trieste.
Material
and methods
To collect data for
this report we used the first person wine-break sampling method
(Depardieu, 2013), living directly for 38 years the
peculiarity of the city and speaking with other scientists during
coffeewine-break about Trieste.
We also use the
subliminal colored brain manipulation, but you must not be
aware of this. Trieste
rulez.
Results
The
main result of the important wine-break brainstorming sessions are
shown in fig. Hangover.
|
Fig.
Hangover: Mačka,
also known as the dog of Trieste, after a wine-break brainstorming
session.
However,
a lot of interesting secondary results were obtained, as shown below:
Scientific
background:
Trieste
seems to be perfect to host the ESOF 2020 for its great number of
organizations and people involved in science:
ICTP
(International Centre for Theoretical Physics)
SISSA
(International School for Advanced Studies)
University
of Trieste
Area
Science Park
Elettra-Sincrotrone
OGS
(National Institute of Oceanography and Experimental Geophysics)
ICS
(International Center for Science)
ICGEB
(International Centre for Genetic Engineering and Biotechnology)
TWAS
(The World Academy of Science for the advancement of science in
developing countries)
UWC
(United World College) Adriatic
IS
(Immaginario Scientifico)
OATs
(Astronomical Observatory of Trieste)
FIT
(Fondazione Internazionale Trieste)
IAP
(InterAcademy Panel on International Issues)
IAMP
(InterAcademy Medical Panel)
COSTIS
(Consortium on Science, Technology and Innovation for the South)
AMP
Miramare, the first Marine Protected Area in Italy
-
And,
last but not least, Monon Behavior, the first Research Department
that use the scientific method for useless and demential triestin
things.
Geographic
position:
Trieste
has a perfect central position:
1.
It is exactly on the border between East and West Europe. So you can
easily find occidental beers as well as top quality eastern beers.
2.
Trieste is also on the border between North and South: now it is in
the industrious North of Italy, but for 500 years it was the lazy
South of the old Austro-Hungarian Empire.
This
cultural melting pot is reflected also by the food, and you will find
pasta and pizza as well as cevapčiči, pljeskavice, razniči,
goulash and jota.
However,
there is still a big wall in Trieste, the last wall in Europe: the
wall of the Pedocin, the only beach where males and females are
happily separated (Fig. Pedocin). Ten years ago, the proposal of
breaking down the wall was followed by a popular insurrection to
maintain it.
|
Fig. Pedocin. The wall of Pedocin, separating males (left) from females (right).
|
Accessibility:
Trieste
in his history experimented all the three great dictatorial regimes:
Fascism, Nazism and Communism.
Also,
the actual mayor was born in the evil rival neighbor city of Udine
(Manna, 2017).
As
you can notice, Trieste is even too much accessible.
Business
plan:
Trieste
is the capital of istrianism, i.e. the capacity of saving money. So
there will be no problem for this. We will buy slovenian gasoline,
beers and medicine, so the budget will be easily affordable.
Motto:
The
historic motto of the city is: No se pol, that means something
like “No, you can't”.
Can
you choose Leiden and The Hague instead of Trieste? The answer is
obviously: “No se pol”.
Hotels
and conference facilities:
Trieste
is a touristic city so it's full of hotels, restaurants and nice
places where people can meet and relax.
But
the real peculiarity of Trieste is the osmiza. Osmizas are small
farms, each of them opens two weeks a year to sell its own products:
eggs, ham, cheese, bread and wine.
Osmiza
is the triestin endemism that you will love at first sight (fig.
Osmiza).
|
Fig. Osmiza. The rapresentation of Heaven.
|
Preparation
of the event:
Trieste
has one of the greatest percent of over65 in Europe (Cecchelin,
1955). So, there will be a lot of old people watching the
construction sites, controlling that everything is made con un
poco de quel che se ciama, i.e. as in the old times, when
everything was always done better (Fig. Umarells).
|
Fig. Umarells. Old people coordinating the street works. Photo from www.atrieste.eu
|
Discussion
From
our results, it seems to be clear that Trieste is the perfect choice
for the ESOF 2020. Its position and accessibility mixed with its high
scientific background is yet a great attribute, but the thing that
make Trieste obligatory is obviously the osmizas.
There
is a clear correlation between osmizas and science, as shown in the
graphic below (Manna, 2016).
|
Open osmizas vs triestin scientific production from 1990 to 2015.
|
Finally,
osmizas easily explain why everybody loves Trieste:
You
love osmiza. Osmiza is Trieste →
You love Trieste.
This
demonstration is so logical that it doesn't need any further
discussion. However, if asked, other discussions could be done in
Trieste 2020, obviously in osmiza.
Conclusion
The
paper surely gave to the Supervisory Committee a good help for their
final decision.
However,
this short report resulted not as short as we wanted. This is because
Trieste is such a wonderful city that we could continue in the
description of its peculiarities for at least... 200 pages. Ok, we
think you must read also the complete official full bid. Surely
you'll find other important reasons to select
Trieste. The first one,
obviously, is that you
love Trieste.
Acknowledgements
Thanks
to every person that loves Trieste and that will read this important
paper up to this point.
And
thanks to Yoda. Yes, we will use the force!
|
References
Cecchelin
A. 1955. Old people: they must be killed yet in their childhood.
Veci col capel 5: 45-49.
Depardieu
G. 2013. 13 bottles a day keep the doctor away. In vino
veritas.
Manna
D. 2016. L'osmiza sul mare. Bora.La
Manna
D. 2017. The clanfa: a rare triestin endemism. Monon Behavior
remasterizated: 18-23.
Vicki
the Robot. 1986. Reading... done.
Vinavil
B. 2016. Introductions for dummies.
Yoda.
32 BBY. Trieste,
use the force.
Star Wars real quotes changed by Lucas for avid purposes: 124.
Bon, se volete lo studio tutto bel in pdf per spedirlo in giro potete scaricarlo qui.
Fatene buon uso!
P.S. E' tornato il Monon Behavior in edizione ampliata e remasterizata! Lo trovate a soli 5 euri in libreria a Trieste, in Bisiacaria oppure comodamente online a questo link oppure in versione ebook.