Visualizzazione post con etichetta monon behavior. Mostra tutti i post
Visualizzazione post con etichetta monon behavior. Mostra tutti i post

venerdì 20 novembre 2020

Il parco del mare di Trieste: il vero progetto

A volte ritornano.
E' stato presentato oggi il progetto del Parco del Mare con svariate novità.
Ma noi da buoni triestini legati alle robe vece, ricordiamo il vero progetto che avevamo elaborato ben dieci anni fa nel Tre Volte Monon Behavior, che ritorna di colpo d'attualità. Rigorosamente in inglese perchè xe internescional :)

Park Quell: the Triestin Sea Park Project

“Sea Park will be, that we will not be”



The Comitate for the Sea Park of Triest is trying to make this Park from 2004, just after the failure of the candidation of the city to the Expo 2008. Some anonymous informators told us that the participation to the Expo was lost because of the too original theme proposed by Triest, that was: Expo' Nosepo'. The idea was to keep all the stands closed except the stand of the triestin products. But in this stand, the organizators would have put some triestin commessas expert of Volentiering (Manna, 2009a), in order to spread to the world the culture of “no tegnimo”, “quel che gavemo xe là, basta zercar”, “seremo tra zinque minuti, la torni doman” “no i fa più” and “la provi in Friul”. However, this great idea did not encounter the positive reaction of the giudicant commission and Triest was excluded by the Expo.

Now the project of the Sea Park is having some difficulties and various possible locations have been scartated: nosepol at Barcola for the inquinament, nosepol at the ortofruitticol market because it has to go to the Noghere but nosepol for the inquinament, nosepol at Goby's Holy Mary (Santa Maria del Guato) because se pol, but nosepol, but no se sa, but there is no bori and who have not bori have not remission.

Smarronated by all this difficulties, the Comitate for the Sea Park of Triest asked us to develop an unattackable project, and here it is.


The name must be accattivant, not scontated and greatly related to the culture of the city. For these reasons we propose the name Park Quell. As can be easily noticed, the name is inspired on the famous Parc Guell, the masterpiece of Antoni Gaudì in Barcelona. We are trying to contact him so he could realize some pieces of the Park, but for now he did not answered to the phone, bel muss. If he will not collaborate, che'l se tachi, we will give the job to Toni Raudì, a patock artist cressuted launching raudi in Borgo San Sergio.


As it could be easily seen in fig. Faclan, the Gulf of Triest, from Piran to Grado, has exactly the shape of a clanfa (Zuppa, personal communication). 

Fig. Faclan. The Gulf of Trieste fits
perfectly the shape of a clanfa

So, our great intuition was to make a giantastic supercosmic structure that covers all the coastal zone, from Piran to Grado, the greatest clanfa-building of all times. However, the local administrators told us that this project had a too high tax of sboronery, so we reduced it as follows:

Our idea is to utilize all the Barcolan Riviera, from the Earthfull (the Terrapien, dei) to the Miramare Castle. The Castle, in particular, will be pushed into the sea and will became an underwater attraction from which windows the visitors will enjoy the fantastic marine life, with the guatos, the zievolees and the sea stronzs in the sand.

The ICTP will be absolutely inglobated and involved in our project. Thanks to its great research potentiality, it will became the natural headquarter for the study on the clanfa endemism, and will be renominated in “Institute for the Clanfa Taconeti Proselytism”.

As we are respectful for the local traditions, we will leave the topoleenee 7 and 8 as they are now, and will declare them National Protected Clanfa Area. In all the other zones new buildings will be constructed for the Sea Park.

We have already all the permissions to build everywhere, but there is a small group of rebels that are organizing a sit-in in order to be not rusped away. This evil resistance is composed by some vecionis that are protecting the old lavre court in Barcola Pineta. We promised them a new beautiful technological lavre court with radio-controlled electric lavres, liofilizated spritzets and holographic scostumated mulettes (the famous holo-gran-phic technology), but they answered that they do no want, that nosepol, that nogascopo and that nosegamaifato. So the sit-in is still going on. However, we do not know if they are still sentaded for their rebellious protest or, more probably, because they are no more able to stand up without help. Probably, after a week of sit-in, they have gone in sweet (i xe andai in dolce dei) and have forgotten the reasons of the protest and are simply playing cards on their tavolinets. 

Inquinament and bonificas

The Earthfull of Barcola is inquinated with diossine and must be bonificated before the construction of the Sea Park. We investigated about the problem of the inquinament and found that a lot of people are preoccupated that in the future there will be fish with 3 eyes, giant trees with legs or super-intelligent four-headed folps that will conquer the world.

So, in order to tranquilizate all, we will bonificate the entire area. We will trucidate all the things that are alive near the Earthfull of Barcola, so we will be sure that there will not be problems of terrifying mutants. Neither the smallest dna molecule will survive! The final bonifica.

Zacheghesemo, to improve our budget, we will use our bonificated Earthfull also as a discarick for the nuclear wastes of all Europe, in particular for the future nuclear plant of Monfalcon. This because we are for the “Kilometer zero” culture: the nuclear wastes will not travel too much and will not inquinate our precious world.


The city of Triest has a very small number of parking, so this could be a problem for the accessibility of our Park Quell. We have two important proposts to solve the problem:

make system with the future “Barcola-Monte Grisa Funivy”, so people can leave the car to Monte Grisa and then come to our Park with the Funivy.

the second propost is our favorite and is more easily realizable: when our fantastic Sea Park will be completed, with all the Aquariums, Theaters, Cinemas, Museums, daily events and other marvelous things, the city of Triest will not need the real sea anymore, because no one will have it pel cool. So, we will put a great boutade of cement in all the Gulf (except the Barcolan Riviera, obviously) and there will be a giant parking for everybody, the new Parksi “Park Sea”.


The great structures of the Sea Park will be perfect to organize events and manifestations every day. In particular, we will give hospitality to the next Clanfa Olympiads, and we will elaborate a new regolament with a more objective system of evaluation of the tuffs. The tuffs will be performed in the vasc of the guatos and the winner will be the clanfador that will make jump out of the water the highest number of guatos with his schizzs. As triestins are great clanfadores, maybe we will use the vasc of the dogfish.

Furthermore, we will also give hospitality to the next Barcolana regates. Obviously in the same vasc of the guatos, just to break them the maroones again. So the Barcolana will became an indoor regate and there will be no more problems of too strong wind, too strong sun, too strong rain, zima de cagars indoss, snow and too cold water. Some might say that an indoor regate is impossible because there is no wind, but this is a stoopedade because we do not need the wind: the crew of each ship will sufiar autonomament on his sails and po' bon.


The education of the new generations is fundamental for the future respect of nature, so we developed some didactic programs for children.

One of our best activity is focused on the alimentar pyramid, with practical demonstration: the children will see a fish that magnates an alga, a fish that magnates other fish and the same fish that is magnated by other bigger fish. Finally, at the last stage, the children will experiment if at the top of the pyramid there is the man or the dogfish: the most fastidious muleto will be launched in the vasc of the dogfish and the entire classroom will learn with their own eyes if the dogfish magnates the muleto or if the muleto magnates the dogfish.

Another important activity is focused on the inquinament. We will give a lot of money to the Ferriera and to the Gas Intestinal Rigassificator because their collaboration is very important for the practical demonstration of our didactic programs. Every morning they will emit all their spuzzs and toxic sporcugnes in our sea in order to show to the children the effects of the inquinament. We are planning to increase their sporcugn potentiality in order to make the demonstration more impressive. Again, the most fastidious muleto (actually the second most fastidious, as the first has been magnated by the dogfish) will be launched in the inquinated sea, so the classroom will see in an amusing new way how dangerous is the inquinament.


A Park with the controquei must have a Research Department famous in all the world. In particular, our Research Departement will be the first to give the final solution to the sad problem of extinction. The fish stock is decreasing and there are a lot of species that are sparinding every day. To eliminate this problem, our final solution is to eliminate these species una volta per tute and po' bon, remengo.

In this way there will be also a great risparm on the funds given to the research for the conservation of these species. As we will solve the problem, we think that at least the 99% of this money must be given to our Research Department, that will use it to develop new methodologies to send in remengo the eventual new species that will become at risk of extinction in the future.

When these species will know that now nobody have them pel cool, that nobody is trying to save them, and that addirittur somebody is trying to remengate them, they will surely cagate in their braghes and will do their best to be not at risk of extinction.

So, thanks to our genial plan, they will save them by themselves and the extinction will not be a future problem.


Animals of the Aquarium of the Sea Park

The idea of an Aquarium or a Zoo with the animals taken in their exhibits is old and obsolete. In a “normal” aquarium or zoo, the animals are alimented, cured, salvaguardated and cocolated a gratish. Sometimes they can even have sex a gratish! This is no more tolerable and not sustainable.

An animal, to be kept in our exhibit, must work, in order to pay all the services that the Park will give him (a clean exhibit, food, toys, natural enrichments and sex). If an animal does not want to work, he will be sent away at piadones in tel cool. So we develop a list of jobs for the animals of the Park Quell:

Bavosas: they will be the comics of the Park, and their favorite number will be the imitation of Luca Laurenti. When they will get old, their favorite number will become the imitation of the “vecio bavoso”.

Dolphins: they will participate yearly to the Olympiad of the Clanfa. We are sure that they have the perfect shape to schizar a casinaz. However, the dolphins will come yearly from Lussin only if they have voia, because we know very well that this sort of spectacles increases dramatically the hunting and killing of dolphins (The Cove, 2009). We hope also that balenas will come, because they are champions of bomba americana.

Swordfish: we have an important collaboration with Margherita Granbassi, that will teach them all the secrets of the art of the sword. After the addestrament, they will be ready to participate to our weekly sword tournaments. The swordfish that will be infilzated will be obviously cusinated in our restaurants or sold to the fish markets, so there will be no more need to fish the wild swordfish and we will save them from extinction.

Fig. Nosepa. The famous Nosepolpo.
Bilingual pupol by Vile&Vampi

Polpo: we are addestrating a folp like the famous german Polpo Paul, that always intivate the correct prevision of the football matches. Our Polpo, called the Polpo No-se-Paul, or Nosepolpo' for his friends, will be addestrated to give answer to a lot of important citadin questions (Fig. Nosepa).

Torpedo fish: these electric fish will be the natural renewable energy of the future. The Park Quell will be the first place where this new technology will be experimented, and all the energy of the park will be produced by the electric organs of our torpedoes. If a torpedo become old and its electric organ begin to malfunction, it will produce electricity in other sustainable ways, like running in great criceto's riodele connected with dynamos.

Abyssal fish: they will constitute the illumination system of the Sea Park. We are speaking about those very ugly fish with the lanterneen on the head. Obviously, it is very important that they do not illuminate themselves, because they could spavent the visitors with their mefistofelic ugliness. However, we will give them a psychotherapist to heal their autostime.  

Penguins: the penguins will be the cameriers of our restaurants. We tried to convinc them to make a more original job, like running in the criceto's riodele with their small zatines, but they told us that they have always worked as cameriers and they do not want to change their dresses.   

Pedocees: the pedocees, that par 'talian are called “cozzes”, will stay at the entrance of the park selling the tickets. As they are pedocious pedocees, we are quite sure that they will perform a lot of istrianisms (Manna, 2009b), so stoopeedades like 3x2, sconts, reduced tickets, family and group special prices will be eliminated for ever from our Sea Park.

Sea urchin, sea porcupine, sea riccios dei insoma: these small nice echinoderms will be used for a very important and fundamental job: they will be disposed in all the office screevanias as pen-keeper (portapenne, po'). In case of festins or rebechins, their aculeos will be very useful also as stecadents to grampar the parsut.

Sea little horses: they will be feeded with frico, jota and polenta in order to let them grow. When they will be circumcirca one meter tall, they will be placed in all our structures as children games. If it is not clear, we intend that type of games in which the children stay sentated on the game (typically a car or a horse), insert a coin and the game begins to move. We are now searching the part of the sea little horses where the coins will be inserted.

Cocals: they will be the security of the Park. The colony of cocai of the Pedocin has years and years of experience in making longhi bruti with all the old maranteegas in order to steal their lunch, so they are perfect for this job. 

Branzins and Orades: we tried to teach them a good mestier, but they were not good in anything. The only thing in which they resulted good is the pignat. So their primary occupation will be being magnated in our restaurants.

Sea stronzs: their passivity is invincible, so they will be used to replace the cevapceecees in our restaurants.

Scarpenas: some asked us if we have scarpenas. No, finide (Note digo).



Some of our animals will be part of our great “Sea Orchestreena”, that will play day and night some rivisitated triestin popular song like “La cavalucia marina zelante”, “el molo de Parenzo”, “mandeghe la lista al zievolo”, “ancora un litro de ribon” and “I love you tonni”.

The compontents of the orchestreena will be:

Turtles, that will play their strong panzas like tamboorees and percussions;

Vongoles, canestrels and capasantas, that will tictacate themselves like small naccheras;

Muricees, naridols and capalongas, that will play their shells like trumpets. We don't know if they will be the “fiati” or the “flati” section, because we are not sure through which part of their body they will suffs inside their trumpets.

Medusas and anemones, that will indrizz their tentacles like strings and will be the arpes and the arches of the orchestreena. We prefer the medusas, because the anemones, as you could easily imagine by their name, are not very smart.

Sepias, that will cure the special effects during the concerts, like the black smoke machines.


Military defense

As we live in bad times and there is a lot of loschee individuals in the world, a military defense system is necessary. Also, Triest in particular is a city full of nagane, bobane, tare, trapolers and genconi, so it is better to stay always in campane. Fortunately, we found that the sea of Miramare was the secret place where Tetsuya sconded Goldrake in his last mission (fig. Gold-One). So we stole it agrattish and reprogrammated it to become our Goldrache, mostro con le tirache, in permanent defense of the Park Quell. As its stronger secret weapon is the alabarda spaziale, it is perfect for the role of  hero of Triest.


Fig. Gold-One. Goldrache, mostro con le tirache.

Construction times

We think that it is very important that the entire construction of the Park Quell is done by furlans, that are very laborious and fast. When the job will be completed, we will study a method to cazarghela and to not pay them. Maybe we will close them in a didactic aquarium to teach the children the “effects of the sun mixed to sea water on furlans”.

If we will be able to find some furlans to build our Park, all the works will be finished in a couple of day. Instead, if we will not be successful and the works will be done by triestins, the Sea Park will be constructed with the calmeta between a spritz and another, and will be when we will not be, but viva l'A e po' bon dei.

 Note digo: if you have not understand this witz, search for “scarpena” in youtube ;)


Manna D. 2009a. Triestin language endemisms. Monon behavior Vol. 69 No. 90: 9-12. Bianca&Volta edizioni.

Manna D. 2009b. Spinazing, the triestin answer to the crisis. Monon behavior Ciu: 8-12.

The Cove. 2009. A documentary on the 23000 dolphins killed every year in Japan.

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venerdì 27 marzo 2020

The real origin of Coronavirus

Niente, in tuta sta scienza aplicada al coronavirus, no podeva mancar el studio del Monon Behavior Research Department sula vera origine del coronavirus. Per evitar pupoli e gomblotismi vari (no dovessi servir, ma no se sa mai), disemo subito che XE UNA MONADA, XE UN VIZ, NO XE VERO, XE PER RIDER, NO GA BASI SCIENTIFICHE, NO XE STADO PUBLICADO SU LEONARDO SU RAITRE :P

Diego Manna
Monon Behavior Research Department

We live in a period of great longhi, in which a lot of people is obligated to stay at home fancazzing. For a great number of triestins this is a dream that is just avveranding, but however comunq some syntoms of malcontent are coming out and a lot of people is searching the origins of coronavirus to give them sazie lignade. We investigate all this great scagazz in order to give an answer to this question.

Key words: Leonardo, Caro Cogoi, furlans, Conte, frico

We live in time of quarantene causated by the worldwide scagott for coronavirus (Conte, 2020). The first days were not so bad, spaving a lot, gratanding the balotoles and watching pornhub that was a gratis (Burlasconi, 2020). However, now, at the third week of reclusion, people begin to diventar cofe of staying home, inventing a lot of unuseful activities just to make something, like alenanding his dog to ciapar the coronavirus (Fig. 1).

Fig. 1. A dog that have ciapated a fake coronavirus
Also, people begin to search for the real origins of the coronavirus, reading a lot of sazie monade and bufales on the internet and cascanding to them as peragnocks (Salveenee, 2020).
The aim of this study is to give the final answer to preocupated people in order to:
1. understand who must be inbiavated;
2. understand when the quarantene will finish.

Material and method
To obtain our data, we decided to monitorate the situation in the streets of the desert city of Triest. However, even if we were in possess of the autocertificazion version 14 written on the carta de cul to give it more valor, a lot of people from the windows send us to remengo ziganding "stè casa", fotografanding us and metending us on the faceboog group "Diventa anche ti un scerifo de facebook", so we ciapated a vagonade of damer that even our golden reserve of carta de cul did not bastar (Iaspi, 2020) (Fig. 2).

Fig. 2. Facebook's sceriffs in action.

So, we decided to use the sbisiganding and cucanding on the social method, also known as making the cazzs of the other method, obviously focusing our attention on Triest because other cities we don't have pel cool and who key himself - chi se ciava.

As a first result, we found that people reacted in different ways to the quarantene.
At the iniz, people simply decided to not gaver too much pel cool and just wash their hands, eat more radic' and less looganighes (also because there are less looganighes than days), condir all the magnar with the kren and missiate all the bever with a bic' of brinjavec.
Then, with the increment of the CCSC (Caro Cogoi Semo Cagai) index, triestins became everyday more cagated and stufadizs. So they began to write more to Segnalazioni, to make longer tours with the dogs and to activament zercar more cantiers where they could scassate the marons to the workers. Then, when they noticed that there were everyday less workers in the cantiers and that the dogs of Triest were always all sad because the bar were closed (Lutazzi, 1957), they began to invent new occupations at home.
At first these occupations were innoque things like remenghing each other on facebook groups, making flashmobs from the windows like singing all together "La scoresa", or sbisighing with pornhub premium a gratis domandanding themselves what is the difference with normal pornhub: maybe the babes have bigger tetons.
Then, these occupations became everyday things very similar to new type of jobs, like social influencer in potato-strucker (strucapatate-pigiamone), oste of the osmizainpergolo (Fig. 3), first magazinier specialized in gestion of the carta de cool, contadin piantanding matavilz, youtuber ginnast with the panza and even artigian making fantasious quarantene temathic lavorets (Fig. 4).

Fig. 3. The osmiza in pergolo of Beatrice

Fig. 4. The artistic lavorets of the triestins ispired by the quarantene
Adiritur, some triestins are now saying that they want to get back to their normal work as soon as possible (promising that this time they will work per bon).
In pratic, with the increment of the CGSC index and the passar of the quarantene, the triestins loose their innate scazzo attitude and have a great impenade of the FRIUL (Furlan Ricercante Insaziabilmente Un Lavor) rate, that at great valors lead to a psycological disturb also known as FURLANITE (Codroipo, 1998).

We found a second important result in our microscopic analysis of the coronavirus. Nobody noticed it before, but the coronavirus is praticament identic to a frico (Fig. 5).

Fig. 5. The coronavirus (left) vs frico (right).

Somanding all our results and fazending 2+2, it seems clear that the coronavirus is a evil furlan creation, invented to increase the FRIUL rate of the triestins until they will be all ciapated by the FURLANITE and will begin to work as a furlan.
Probably something went wrong in the laboratory where the furlans were sbisiganding with this coronavirus, and someone sconfonded it with a frico, magnated it and diffused it in all the world.
The situation seems to be very longhi, as can be seen in this highly professional graphic.

If the Caro Cogoi Semo Cagai index continue increasing at the normal ritm, we will reach the FURLANITE on 13/4, pasqueta. 
It seems very important instead to sbassar the ritm of the CCSC index in order to sbassar also the curve of the FRIUL rate and normalizate the triestin scazz at a VDFSI (Voia De Far Saltime Indosso) level.

The coronavirus is clearly a furlan experiment gone to remengo from a laboratory in Friul. Now it is very important to stay calm and to regulate the Caro Cogoi Semo Cagai index in order to evitar of being ciapated by bad acute FURLANITE.
Triestins: just stay home and don't make a clinz.
And about the revenge on furlans... just think that also them must stay at home without working, one of the worst torture for a furlan.

Burlasconi S. 2020. Remengo Gheddafi, viva la Gafi. Better a durex than a dura lex ediction.
Codroipo D. 1998. Alore, vonde monadis.
Conte G. 2020. 50 sfumature di decreto.
Iaspi G. 2020. Runner de damer. The manual of the lofio from the window.
Lutazzi L. 1957. Solo davanti a un fiasco de vin quel fiol de un can fa le feste. Can de Trieste records.
Salveenee M. 2020. Papete cocktails menù: the Leonardo (mojito and corona beer). Food ricetts for influencer 49: 4-9

Furlan advisory: se scherza, ve volemo ben :)

 P.S. (parte seria): vista l’importanza di restare nelle proprie case e vista la concomitante chiusura delle scuole, abbiamo deciso di attivare, per chi lo volesse, la consegna a domicilio del gioco BARKOLANA, completo di espansione MATI PER BARKOLANA, al prezzo “d’emergenza” di 10 euro (il prezzo normale dei due giochi è di 30 euro), pagamento in contrassegno. Chi fosse interessato a riceverlo a domicilio scriva una mail a indicando l’indirizzo di consegna. Consegneremo tendenzialmente la mattina dopo. L’offerta è valida solo all’interno del Comune di Trieste. Attiva anche la consegna a domicilio di tutti gli altri libri. Trovate l'elenco completo qua.

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mercoledì 12 febbraio 2020

Esof 2020: scoperto l'atomo triestino

Il giorno della presentazione di Esof 2020, ecco che viene svelato uno dei più grandi misteri della scienza moderna: la reale struttura degli atomi.
Pare infatti che non dappertutto gli atomi rispettino la classica divisione in neutroni, protoni ed elettroni, ma che in certe parti del mondo queste particelle siano sostituite da robette endemiche che ne influenzano il comportamento.
L'approfondimento della scoperta ovviamente è rimandato al grande evento di luglio, ma per ora il Monon Behavior Research Department è riuscito a carpire un'anteprima grazie un ottimo lavoro di spionaggio accademico protocollato sotto il nome in codice "Rubar con l'ocio".

In soma dele some, pare proprio che Trieste sia una di queste eccezioni. Forse la più interessante.
Ecco la struttura degli atomi triestini:

Come (quasi) tutti si saranno accorti subito, manca una delle tre particelle classiche: l'elettrone. Quela che ghe cori intorno al nucleo come un mona, per capirse. L'atomo triestino è costituito da:
Proton, neutron e orcotron.
L'orcotron è molto più lento e scazzato del normale eletron. Compie un giro completo attorno al nucleo in ben 4 secondi, il tempo necessario a scandire la sacra formula "Cossa cori che te cori co no cori che te cori" (se accostate un potentissimo microfono a qualunque atomo triestino, scoprirete che in effetti questa frase è percepibile).
Da qui nasce la famosa indolenza, inoperosità e noxecoionismo dei triestini. 
No se pol far niente, gavemo proprio EL SCAZZO ATOMICO.
In zonta, il ricercatore triestino Fabrizio Cupardo ha anche trovato un isotopo radioattivo dell'Indio, il Codindio, che decade emettendo proprio orcotron ad altissima energia.

Va ben concludemo con la giusta reclàm, visto che se parla de scienza: el compendio triestin che no pol mancar nela vostra libreria xe oviamente The origin of Nosepolis! E sicome savemo che a causa del'orcotron nissun gaverà voia de andar zo in libreria a ciorlo (anche se saria meo), eco qua el link per ciorlo diretamente online. Tra l'altro ricordemo che Trieste xe diventada cità dela scienza solo grazie a questo importante studio :)

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lunedì 16 settembre 2019

I dieci consigli per l'Oktoberfest triestina

Ecco un estratto di "Trieste città dell'Oktoberfest", libro di Dino Bombar (hehehe) che racconta il diario di quella che è una giornata a dir poco fora come un pergolo. Siateci! Il libro si trova già nelle librerie più bobe nonché comodamente online qua in tutto il mondo.

Ed ecco in anteprima il decalogo del compagno di viaggio Robi:

Come pensè de ‘ndar zo in cità? Miga ciolerè l’auto o el motorin, no? Ciò, no stè far i mone, vardè che gavè de bever, per cui no stè ris’ciar, ché se ve beca i puloti o i tubi, i ve fa novi. I ve ciol via la patente e i fa coriandoli de ela, perchè a una certa el tasso alcolemico xe de un livel che se te sufi su un impizin te fa tipo mangiafuoco. Quindi: per ogi se va a pie o in bus, se propio no gavè voia de caminar. El ritorno podessi esser dramatico, per cui saria el top gaver una morosa, un parente o qualchidun che ve porti casa; l’importante xe che no i gabi fato festa con voi, perchè se no no xe el caso de montar in auto con lori.

Prima de andar fora de casa, feve un per de ovi duri. No xe fastidiosi de portar in giro, perchè i sta comodi in scarsela, ma sopratuto i ve torna sai utili per amortizar le prime bire. Ocio perchè le prime bire xe quele che te stonfa! Ti te son là tuto figo e te bevi come un mona, ma te devi star atento perchè se no te son abituado a bever de matina, le prime bire te tira una steca de quele. E alora eco che te torna utile gaver i ovi duri in scarsela: te se li magni e i te iuda a sugar le bire, cussì te pol bever avanti come un drago. Dopo però te ga de magnar comunque qualcosa ah.

Co te rivi zo, no sta gaver furia de bever. Ok, xe figon, xe pien de gente, tuti che bevi come ludri, ma voi stè boni e zerchè de bever con criterio e no spararve bire drio man. Anca perchè ad una certa sarè comunque stonfi e impetessadi, xe solo question de tempo. Per questo, ricordeve che no xe una gara e che, anca se fussi, no xe da vantarse de esser el primo che se imbalina. Te bevi el tuo, col tuo ritmo, zercando de star in controlo più che te pol, cussì te se godi el clima, la compagnia, l’ambiente e te son in grado de far un do discorsi senza spudar parole a caso. Poi, co sarà ora, te gaverà una mina che meza bastassi, ma quel xe un altro discorso.

Va ben bever, ma saria cocolo anca magnar qualcossa, se non altro per evitar de rivar ala meza con una piomba indosso. A parte el discorso dei ovi duri, che resta sempre valido, xe comunque el caso de assumer roba solida, che però no ga de esser esagerada. Se te se magni un stinco intiero con una de patate in tecia, moniga, no te ga spazio per bever ‘vanti e se per caso co te magni te son za carburado, pol esser che magnar come un ludro te fazi mal. Morale: per darghe contro al’alcol evitando de gaver problemi al stomigo, più che magnar saria de sbecolar. Un poco de qua, un poco de là: un panineto, una polpeta, robete cussì, che i te stagna el giusto. Fideve.

Messa cussì podessi crear confusion e atirar el futer dele feministe, quindi vedo de spiegar meo el conceto: le babe va ben, anzi, Dio dassi! Le babe che bevi ga pien dirito de eser presenti e portar el contributo ala festa; lore xe le benvenude, anzi, se le ga un per de amiche, che le porti pur. Quel che voio dir xe che la testa del mulon da Oktoberfest ga da esser sgombra, per un giorno, da fastidi: quindi no morose/mogli/amanti/conviventi cugni, perchè i xe solo che una enorme pigna intel cul, che distrai l’omo e impedissi de bever come che saria de far. E ti, omo, me racomando: xe tuto l’ano per tirar sardoni, quindi per un giorno te ga de concentrarte sula bira e possibilmente solo che su quela. Poi te tornerà a corerghe drio ale babete.

Se ciama Oktoberfest e xe la festa dela bira. Desso spiegheme perchè gavè de missiar el bever? I veci in casa no i ve ga insegnà gnente? Mai missiar l’alcol, quindi se te bevi bira, e ogi ti te ga de bever sai bira, no te se meti a cior trapete o porcherie de superalcolici perchè i te fa malon. L’Oktoberfest xe una question de coerenza: te ciol bira avanti, dala matina ala sera. Se poi te son omo de sprizeti, ciò per una volta te poderà far ecezion, no? Te cambi ristorante e te bevi bira, che xe comunque meio del’acqua e no fa ruzine.

L’Oktoberfest xe una festa per muloni, me par ovio. Per divertirse veramente te devi esser un filin morbido, no digo che te se devi ridur come un dispossente, ma gaver un tiro sbriso saria l’ideale, eco. Quindi, se te son un figheto de quei che va a veder la lochescion o segui el trend (mi al massimo perdo el tren), diria che no xe roba tua: per quei come ti esisti via Torino, te va là e te sta coi tui simili, a bever drinks che costa come un rene e a ciacolar de telefonini e autoni. No voio dir che una roba xe meio e una pezo eh, mi digo solo che xe do robe diverse, per gente diversa, che ga el steso dirito de divertirse e impetessarse come che i preferissi.

Podessi sembrar una continuazion del punto precedente, ma penso che sta roba merita un discorso a parte. Ga ciapà pie nei ultimi tempi sta tendenza dela bira ricercada, co’ sti nomi che no capisso: ipa, apa, neipa. No so. Una volta iera le lipe de scola, mi al massimo ve posso contar de quele. Pareria comunque che esisti mile tipi de bire, coi gusti strani o cossa so mi: eco, anca qua no xe questa l’ocasion per zercarle, perchè al’Oktoberfest se bevi un tipo de bira e xe quela ciara, punto. E no stè far i schizignosi: ve ordinè la bira, la ciolè e la bevè tuta, senza far el sommelier dela bira o meterse a far la punta al quel.

L’Oktoberfest xe sempre de sabato, ma se te se vesti in tuta de lavor diria che va ben; qualchidun riva vestido de lavor perchè el scampa propio del lavor, ma xe un altro discorso. El punto xe che ve consiglio de vestirve morbidi, perchè beverè come camei e a una certa - fideve - i movimenti podessi diventar dificili e alora l’abito comodo xe prezioso per star in pie e agevolar la mobilità. Gavè per forza de meterve una camisa indosso perchè xe sabato e volè esser eleganti? Alora ciolè una de quele camise a quadretini, tiro tedesco, che al’Oktoberfest ve farà ingrumar de bruto.

Te ga davanti una zornada che xe un tour de force de bevude. Te se svei e bim bum te son là che te bevi bire, no xe propio per tuti. Eco alora che ocori rivar alenadi! Se ti te son un de quei che bevi una bira a setimana, magari de scondon che no te sgami la morosa, lassa star: l’Oktoberfest no xe per ti, perchè là te bevi e zito. Dopo te ga tuto el tempo che te vol per far Ramadan o far creder che te sta fazendo Ramadan, no xe problemi, però in quel zorno te devi guantar, per cui preparite!


Sul serio go de spiegarve questa?

Ah, se volete il cappellino come l'autore, li trovate da Urbanwear in via Torino 13 :)

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lunedì 29 aprile 2019

Trieste vietata ai furlani

La notizia di oggi è che la città di Trieste sta seriamente pensando di negare l'accesso a Trieste ai nati in Friul.
"Non si tratta di discriminazione" spiega il comitato proponente, "semplicemente vogliamo tutelare gli amici friulani dall'indole sfruttatrice triestina, che li farebbe lavorare sottocosto approfittando del loro noto zelo lavorativo e spirito di sacrificio."
Ancora al vaglio le posizioni dei goriziani e pordenonesi, che dovranno superare un test di triestinità (ovvero non fare il test, altrimenti mostrerebbero troppo zelo). Totalmente indifferenti i carnici, che no ga pel cul e se godi la montagna.
Va ben va ben scherzemo dei. Viva i furlani, i migliori vicini possibili :)

Reclàm imancabile finale: su "The origin of Nosepolis" ghe xe un importantissimo studio internazional su cossa podessi nasser se Trieste diventassi furlana e Udine triestina. Dei, imperdibile!
Read subit The origin of Nosepolis or go to remengo! :P

giovedì 21 marzo 2019

Il nuovo piano del traffico di Trieste

Grazie al nostro dipartimento di ricerca avanzata, che ricicla i tochi che ghe vanza ai altri e no se buta via niente, siamo già in grado di pubblicare in anteprima il nuovissimo piano del traffico di Trieste, elaborato dopo aver analizzato il lavoro degli intervistatori, il cui compito era di sondare il volere popolare dei cittadini del capoluogo giuliano.
Eccolo! Ovviamente in triestino, perchè cussì ga risposto i intervistai.

1. No pedoni che i va in giro col'aquilon e i se buta in mezo ala strada come mone.
2. No bici che Trieste no xe per bici.
3. No scooter che i te passa sula destra e i se infila in tuti i busi.
4. No moto che le se porta via tropo spazio co i parchegia.
5. No auti che no i se ferma mai sule striche e i xe aroganti.
6. No furgoni che dopo i se ferma par tuto e i bloca tuto e che i vadi a remengo.
7. No camion che i xe pericolosi e po che i vadi sui treni dei.
8. No coriere che dopo i muleti va su col ruksac e i intriga, i muloni no se lava, i veci ghe la buta ale mulete e i migranti se ruba el wifi.
9. Sì tranvai ma xe sempre roto quindi no tranvai. Momento reclam: xe pena vegnudo fora el belissimo libro Le disgrazie del tran de Opcina, corè ciorlo in libreria che merita!
10. No parchegi a pagamento.
11. Sì parchegi a gratis per tuti. Ma senza che dopo la cità diventi un unico grande parchegio. El giusto, in modo che se trovi parchegio. Ma no per i altri. Per mi co devo andar zo in cità. Che sia parchegi, ma che i sia sempre liberi, insoma.
12. Sì multe per chi no rispeta i 11 punti precedenti. Ma multe dade con testa, no che i me multi a mi se fazo una dele monade qua de sora.

Ben bon, finalmente un piano del traffico voluto dalla popolazione! Ma funzionerà? Bu. La risposta al libro dele risposte triestine (reclam subliminale): se stava meo co se stava pezo!

martedì 5 febbraio 2019

I 15 compagni de classe che no manca mai

Gnente, giusto un'altra anteprima da "The Origin of Nosepolis", che trovè nele librerie più bobe e anca comodamente online qua.
Diretamente del'importante studio scientifico "The triestin muleria: going to school is cool", eco estrato el toco dedicado ai compagni de classe che tuti gavemo gavudo.

In every class there is always some fixed categories of schoolmates.
These are:
The paiazo: the one who always makes the mona. After some years, he can evolve and become a legera or he can remain proudly moneto forever. Mona a 20, mona avanti (Stanese, personal communication).
The lofio: dangerous category, this mulo is schierated by the dark side of the forz, i.e. the teachers. He will always lofiar everyone, but he will also ciapar a lot of sazie leegnade.
The fumigador: he will pass all of his Oberdan years fuming spagnolets in every place, class, condot, parchegg and stairs. Before the no-smoking edict of 1995, a lot of fumigadors used to smoke inside the atrio of the school, creating a big black fog in which you could even hide yourself to make lipe without fadiga.
The okkupador: you don’t know the existence of this schoolmate in your class until there is odor of okkupation. Then he magically materialize himself, and magically he will disappear again after the end of the okkupation.
The croomeero: the complementar of the okkupador. He never makes sciopers or other form of protest. The okkupation is his worst enemy.
The nerd: no need of description. Everybody have a nerd in class dei, no stè far finta de no. E se no ve vien in mente alora ieri voi. However, the nerd is informatically talented and can easily napar which professor watched pornazzees in the informatic aule.
The giustificator: the king of paraculs. He has a entire catalogue of exscuses to not be interrogated when it’s his turn. These comprends: 5 grandmothers, 8 grandfathers and an esercit of uncles ready to die the day before of the interrogation; an afamated dog/cat/cocal/ceenghial/sorz that magnated his appunts so he wasn’t able to study; a perfectly timed headache/mal of panz/garbing that appears exactly during the hour of the interrogation; a certified dangerous allergy to the inchiostr of the book; some aliens that frequently rapiss him (fig. paracul).

Fig. Paracul. Just a real justification.

The cocol secion: a sgaious mulo with very high votes and very altruistic manner, so you can copiate everything from him. Usually during the compitinclasse the class assumes a “christmas tree” disposition, with the cocol secion on the top, two muli behind him that copiate from him and three or four other muli behind them that copiate from them. So the optimal proportion in a class is 1 cocol secion every 6 muli.
The stronz secion: high votes but totally estraneous to the social life of the class. He doesn’t let you copiate nothing. Sfigà.
The nagana: the one who doesn’t have pel cool the school, makes a lot of lipe, takes a lot of picons and is involved in every situation of longhee. The nagane were characterized by the use of Fifty and Oxford in the 80’s and by the use of Zip or Phantom F12 in the 90’s. Can evolve in legera, gencon, tara or simply in mulon.
The pH2: schoolmate characterized by his gratuit ranzidume with everybody. His contemporary presence with a nagana is highly sconsigliated.
The guitarist: he’s the one that bring with him the guitarin in every party. If he’s good and plays Nirvana and Pearl Jam, it’s a figade. If he likes Giggi D’alessio, it’s very longhee.
The nana tetona: mula that svilupped more in the x coordinate than in the y. Usually her arrive is anticipated of some seconds by the manifestation of her tetons.
The high CTF rank mula: the pataton of the class. If you haven’t this one in the class, change sezion!
The boocal: the lowest CTF rank mula of the class. It’s not finger that she will not become beautiful in the years, like in the typical american filmazz in which the ugly protagonist will molate her cavei, will cavars the machinet from the dents, will cavars the ociai and improvisament will become a pataton. Eh sì.

venerdì 21 dicembre 2018

Butar sardoni: le principali tecniche triestine

Ben bon, visto che semo andai adiritura ala ribalta nazionale con sta storia del Butar sardoni, ne par giusto alora tirar fora un'altra anteprima del novo meravigliosissimo "The origin of Nosepolis", el regalo de Nadal più cool de tuti, in tute le librerie più bobe! ;)

Eco, ciolto del'articolo "The triestin muleria: going to school is cool", le varie tecniche de sardoni launching usade nele scole (nei anni 90, ma val anca desso dei).

The ingrooming behavior is the complex group of techniques used to ingroomar.
Note that this behavior is a human evolution of the grooming behavior, typical of the primates that consists in cavarse the pedocees at vicenda. In triestin society the grooming can still be notated in the girls that strucks the brufols to the males at Barcola Beach, a behavior called ailogrooming (viz che capiremo in tre :D).
The efficency of every ingrooming technique is here analysed valutanding its GUA (Girl Uptake Abundance - quanto te ingrumi, insoma), the mean CTF (CuloTetteFiga) Factor of the babe ingroomade and the PIC (Piadoni Int’el Cool) received.

Random sardoning: it consists in the performation of a Fixed Action Pattern in the presence of a particular stimuli (i.e. babe). In this case the scheme is:
INPUT: baba che riva in the coridoio or down of the scale.
BRAIN ELABORATION: the mulo buta un cuc and verifies the positivity of the CUC (Condition Under Control):  la respira?
OUTPUT: if CUC is positive → sardon; if CUC is negative → wait for the next baba.
Efficiency: GUA 5, CTF 1, PIC 5

Annuary premeditated systematic sardoning: this technique is divided in two phases. The first is theorical and consists in looking carefully to all the photoes of the Annuary, cercianding all the high CTF mulettes. Then there is the practical phase, that consist in launching sardoni to the cerciated mulettes, in a systematic way: for first all the CTF 5 rank mulettes, in order of classrom, beginning from the 1A (in fact, mulettes of the section A were always highly sardonated). Then all the CTF 4 rank mulettes and then the CTF 3 rank mulettes.
The very professionists of this technique can also enlarge their horizonts, fazendose imprestar the Catalogues... whooops, sorry... I mean the Annuaries of other schools. There is a secret mercato nero of school Annuaries, and a lot of pusher of Annuaries have become rich now.
Efficiency: GUA 5, CTF 4, PIC 4

Facebook sardoning: the modern version of the annuary sardoning, but with more photoes and a lot of dati sensibili of the target mulettes and with even the possibility of likar them.
Efficiency: GUA 5, CTF 5, VPIC (Virtual Piade Intel Cool) 5, DPS (Denunce Per Stalking) 5

Alcoholic sardoning: this technique consists in imbriaghing the target mula. However, there are a lot of probable collateral effects:
- You are too much impetessated and you miss the target, sardoning the wrong mula, or even worst sardoning a mulo or an animal or a balon de balon in the palestra.
- You go spolp and the alcoholic sardoning becomes sbruming in the Spurassic Park (in the 90’s the garden just under the Oberdan was called in this way).
- The mula goes spolp and the alcoholic sardoning becomes sbrumwatching in the Spurassic Park.
Efficiency: GUA 2, CTF 2, PIC 5

Leopardian mentalpipping sardoning: it consists in heavily loosing your mind for an ideal ethereal celestial baba incastranding yourself in a infinite undichiarated  platonic love, writing her smarronant poems that will be scartated by the school journalin redaction. Typical consequences:
- Finally your 5 school years will end and you won’t see her again, but you will still dream of her, being buried in a heart-shaped coffin for weeks (citazion colta ciò) and becoming an artist (Cobain, 1992). Or a petesson.
- You will declare yourself in the last minute of the last hour of the last day of your last school year. Typically, the story will last only few days because you will stufar prest of the real terrene proiection of your ideal love.
Efficiency: GUA 1, CTF 5, PIC 2 (from yourself)

NPC sardoning: it consists in making the pheego and not gaver Neeanche Pel Cool the mule, impenanding all day with your scooter. Generally this technique ingroomate a lot, if you’re really pheego. If not, you still don’t have them pel cool, so npc.
Efficiency: GUA 5, CTF 5, PIC 1

Zerbin sardoning: worst type of sardoning in the history. The mulo is totally inzinganated and inzerbinated by the mula. He will acompagnate her to school, make her homeworks, buy her everyday paneens of coto senape cren and finally he will help her to ingroomate a more pheego mulo that is using the NPC sardoning, and he will remain forever alone and sfigated.
Efficiency: GUA 1, CTF 5, PIC 5 (but symbolic)

Females generalment are more sgaious than males and prefers to wait for being ingroomade and po bon. However there are three great techniques for this:

Being a pataton: this is the behavior of the CTF rank 4-5 mulettes. It consists in making nothing, tanto te ingroomi comunque.

Being with a pataton: this is used by young CTF 1-2 rank mulettes, that stay near a pataton thinking that in this way they will also ingroomar. The name is similar to the first technique, bu no, no funzia.

Boncomexedeing: this is used by mule that have scazated themselves of waiting and give a piadon in the popocee of the indormenzated mulo asking him “Bon, alora? come xe? Se sveiemo?”, easily ingrooming him. This technique can be the fortune of a male Leopardian mentalpipping sardoner and can portar to a neverending true love. Oooooh che cocoli.

Eh bon. E desso profitemo per ricordarve dela grande oferta a domicilio de luglio:

La “trilogia linguistica”: Le Disgrazie del tran de Opcina, scritto in dialetto triestino; The origin of Nosepolis, in “triestinglish”; L’osmiza sul mare, in italiano.

Acquistando i primi due, il terzo sarà omaggio.
In pratica il costo dei tre libri, spese di spedizione in Italia comprese, è di 22 euro.
Ordini inviando una mail a

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giovedì 20 dicembre 2018

I 7 grandi misteri di Trieste

Opalà, come disessi i veci!
Nuova anteprima da The Origin of Nosepolis! Tratto dall'articolo sulla Maledizion de Miramar, ecco la lista dei 7 misteri (quasi tutti) irrisolti di Trieste!

The city of Triest, characterized by a very high quantity of petessons, is also full of strange stories and misteries. And maybe the two things are not so indipendent.
We can easily remember 7 of them:

  1. The cryptic topone de gomma for Mustaca

  2. The malvagity of the Curva Bauca III

  3. The epic infiammability of the Visioli’s sandals

  4. The Dama Bianca, famous for tiring a lot of bianche
  5. The less conosciuted Dama Nera, famous for tiring a lot of nere
  6. The evil Tecnovirus for stragist triestins

  7. The maledition of Miramar Castle.

E bon, oviamente se volè scoprir la storia dela maledizion de Miramar no resta che cior el libro (o far un regalo boomerang e poi farvelo prestar. O andar in libreria e legerla a scroco e po bon :P ).
Nele librerie più bobe e online qua :)