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mercoledì 24 settembre 2014

Veci a Trieste: la bissa soto el cuor

Vecia in via Mazzini, età stimata 84. 

- Ara che mi son de Servola sa! Miga monade. Dopo go dovesto andar a Fogliano perchè mio marì gaveva trovà mestier là e ciò... volevo morir.
- Orca, adiritura!
- Sì, sì, per fortuna sia a lui che a mio fio ghe gaveva ciapà alergia ai ulivi, ciapa! Ben petada.
- Quindi sè tornai tuti a Servola.
- Esato, tuti, mi, mio marì, mio fio, can, gato e usel. Che se i me manda in canon l'Enpa me ga dito che go de portarli con mi, se no xe abandono de animale.
- Ah no savevo sta qua ciò...
- Eh, co i ga de magnarte bori tute i se le inventa. Ara, desso me xe rivai i 80 euri de Renzi, ma i me ga za dito che co fazo el 730 i me li porta via.
- Eh za, xe cussì, de qualche parte i dà e de altre i ciol...
- Ah no sa, a mi no i me la peta! Mi so che ghe xe una lege che quel che i te dà no i pol cior.
- Sì, sì, la conosso, la disi "chi che dà, chi che ciol, ga la bissa soto el cuor"
- Ah ah, propio quela! Bon ciau stela, stame ben!

Eco. La vardo andar via e penso ala biologia dela bissa. Ciò, quante bisse bagola in Italia desso? E che bale, no se riva sterilizarle un pochetin?

lunedì 7 luglio 2014

Omini o Picarini? L'Ikea risponde

Ecco la risposta dell'Ikea all'annosa questione tipicamente triestina che supera in drammaticità anche l'enigma poliziesco Shakespeariano de co che te sta per parchegiar in divieto e te se domandi: "tubi or not tubi?"

Ah sì, l'annosa questione tipicamente triestina è: Semo omini o picarini?
Ecco la risposta.

Beh, no iera dubi.
Grazie a Marco Massimiliani per foto e segnalazion ;)
p.s. i ne disi che no xe proprio Ikea ma un progetto 1a1workshop ;)

giovedì 8 maggio 2014

Elezioni europee 2014: la candidatura del Monon Behavior

Bon, uficiale. El 25 magio nele schede eletorali ghe sarà anche el simbolo del Monon Behavior Research Deparment: giovanile Capitan Harlock imborezzato su clanfa rossa con scritta Monon Behavior.

Già all'opera i nostri talentuosi grafici e copawriter, ecco in anteprima i manifesti che vedrete affissi sui muri.

domenica 30 marzo 2014

Barcola monetoration: a guide to the CTF distribution from Pineta to Beevio

Incomincia ufficialmente la stagione estiva, se no gavè visto Barcola ieri. E quindi, in atesa de far l'agiornamento de sto studio tratto dal Tre volte Monon Behavior, lo riproponemo che no fa mai mal.

Barcola monetoration: a guide to the CTF distribution from Pineta to Beevio

Monon Behavior Reseach Department 

We monitorate extensively the CTF factor present at Barcola, from Pineta to the Beevio of Miramar, to produce a touristic map of the CTF present. We found a clear settorial distribution of different triestin mularia categories and ages in the long Barcolan Riviera. As the presence of High CTF mulettes is real and not abstract, we terminate here the abstract.

Key words: Topoleenee, anti-tuff comitate, topology, patata hotspot, Barcolan Riviera Life Tour

In the last years, Triest is trying to become a touristic city, in order to improve its budget and work less possible (this is the exact plan, even if the political class will negate it). So a lot of ideas and projects are on the way, like the Sea Park, the Carso Park, the abelliment of the Rive, the transformation of the grua Ursus in the Patock Eiffel Tower, the research of Saba’s lost pipe, the Bailey Bridge in Red Bridge square, that will be completed with the substitution of the canal water with the Baileys Irish Cream, the Barcola-Monte Grisa funivy, the magnification of the Area Science Park and many others.
The aim of all these projects is to attract tourist making Triest the capital of the Culture of the Mitteleurope. However, we are quite sure that the tourists of all the world are not attracted by those superficial things like culture, theater, science or nature. We think that the tourists prefer a more deep concept, an ideal paradise lost, an higher value that makes all d’accord: the CTF factor (CuloTetteFiga factor; Manna, 2009a). In Triest, during the summer season, this factor is very high at Barcola, and can attract a casinaz of tourists if well reclamized.
For this reason, we planned to monitorate extensively the CTF factor present at Barcola to produce a touristic map that can be given a gratish in all the info-point of our region. In this way tourists will surely come to Triest, the capital of the Mitteleuropean Patata, so the budget of the city will be improved and we will work less. Also, if the mulettes have to work less, they will go to Barcola, so the CTF will be higher and more tourists will arrive. The perfect plan.
For obvious reasons, from now this CTF monitoration will be called simply monetoration.

Material and methods
For the monetoration we used a variant of the classic first person scoionament sampling method (Manna, 2009a), the first person scoionament but ocio-content sampling method. We made a very long cameenada from Pineta to the Beevio of Miramare on a Sunday of July in the afternoon, when the CTF factor reach the maximum. In the morning, in fact, there is a too high tax of RGF (Ranzidume Growth Factor). We perform this long cameenada wearing a pair of white infradeeto bought from LIDL for 2,99 euri, a clear istrianism (Manna, 2009b).
The Barcolan Riviera has been divided in six different zones: Pineta, Cedas, Topoleenee (Micky Mice or Little Rats), California, Marinella and Beevio, some of them furthermore divided in subzones.
Each zone has been characterized by the quantity, the quality (from 1 to 5) and the typology (defined as “topology”) of the CTF presence.
The topologies comprises:
Nacici: characterized by a CTF factor of 4 or 5, they represent the fundamental resource for the touristic economy of the future Triest and must be valorizated.
CBCR: juvenile nacici, sometimes circundated by older males that belong to the category defined as Papi (Burlasconi, 2008). CBCR means “Cresci Bene Che Ripasso”.
Squeenzias*: juvenile self-appointed nacici, characterized by the continue utilization of all their seductive repertoire with all the males in the zone, preferably with occupated males. They are easily recognizable by the presence in their sugaman of rivists like Cioè or Top Girl. Also, they are usually taking auto-pictures taken from above, making the typical guato face, with their mouth shaped in a hypothetical kiss.
Fig. Heta. A cressuted squeenzia, undecided if to evolve in a tardona or a maranteega (Pupol by Michele Zazzara)
Tardones: sort of cressuted squeenzias over 40, always brus­toladed, ontoladed and tapated at fire.
Mulones: topology very spread in Triest, characterized by the viva l’A e po’ bon life style, the high spritz consumption and the ability of performing the clanfa, or at least the bomba americana.
Maranteegas: females, usually aged, characterized by a very low pH and a very high RGF.
Veciones: aged females. This category not necessarily comprises only maranteegas, because there are a lot of veciones full of morbin. So they can be furtherly divided in vecete or veciaze.
These topologies are only a small part of the complex world of female triestin mularia, because we use only the categories needed for this study. For an approfondiment you have to wait Monon Behavior 7 in 2025, that sarà che noi no saremo.

Some academic scassamarones think that this method of monetoration has a strong bias due to the subjectivity de gustibus. Our theory is that the male of Homo sapiens enlarge his apprezament for the CTF factor with the age: when he is 16 years old he looks the mulettes from 14 to 16; at the age of 18 he looks the mulettes from 15 to 19; at 20 from 16 to 22; at 25 from 17 to 28; at 30 from 18 to 35 and so on. Conseguentement, the male of Homo sapiens, getting older, has always more and more mulettes to look and appreciate than before, and every year he will inexorably become more distracted and more insempiated. As the performer of this study is 31 years old, we think that his interests covers a good range of CTF, so the study will be surely useful for the tourists.

We found a distribution of CTF topology, quality and quantity so riassumable:
Zone – CTF topology – CTF quantity – CTF quality
Pineta 1 – various – 4 – 3
Pineta 2 – nacici – 5 – 5
Cedas – manigated – 5 – 3
Pre-Topoleens – mulones/tardones – 3 – 3
Topoleen 1 – tardones – 2 – 2
Topoleen 2 – mulones – 2 – 2
Topoleen 3 – mulones/manigated – 3 – 2
Topoleen 4 – mulones/veciones – 3 – 2
Topoleen 5 – mulones/veciones – 3 – 2
Topoleen 6 – CBCR – 1 – 2
Topoleen 7 – CBCR – 1 – 3
Topoleen 8 – CBCR – 2 – 4
Topoleen 9 – mulones/squeenzias – 3 – 3
Topoleen 10 – squeenzias – 3 – 3
California – squeenzias/CBCR – 5 – 4
Marinella – mulones/tardones – 4 – 3
Beevio – nacici – 5 – 5

However, the data in the table are only indicative and an approfondiment for each zone is necessary.

Pineta 1 (left of the fountain watching the sea)
There is not a clear topology of CTF, here you can find nacici, maranteegas and mulones over 25. Under the pines, there is a growth of the RGF with the presence of veciones with tavolinets to play cards, that apparently live there all the summer, day and night. Very important, in this zone there was a cartel that affirmed that “è vietato prendere il ragno nel orticciolo”. So we think it is full of spiders, pay attention.

Pineta 2 (right of the fountain watching the sea)
This zone is one of the CTF hot spot of Barcola. The topology is universitarian nacici and they are everywhere. The zone is so full of person that there is very little space to place the sugaman. This is also a place full of nagane, legere, bobe and tare (Manna, 2009c), so pay attention to not ciapar lignade. Protected by the pines, near the end of the zone, there are the vecionis playing cards or lavre. The lavre court is a sort of vecionis roccafort, so do not try to put your feet in the vicinanz or you will be hit by a svolant lavra.

The spiagget of the Cedas is traditionally the place of families and children, so the CTF factor here is manigated and you cannot do the mona. The zone is so full that a lot of families and children are pian pianin invading the pines of the Pineta 2, beginning a screaming war with the vecionis of the lavre.

Between the Cedas and the Topoleens there are many mulones, but also some maranteegas and tardones. We found in the zone also some mysterious white wooden rectangular artifacts, that other researchers indicate to be coffins for the triestin Dracula, called Drekcul, so do not open them during the day if you do not have the suncream protection number 10000 for the poor Drekcul.

Topoleenee 1-5
The first five topoleens are characterized by the presences of various topology, principalment mulones and tardones but also maranteegas and veciones. Between the second and the third Topoleen there is also another spiagget very similar to the Cedas, with families, children and manigated CTF factor. The fourth Topoleen is characterized by the presence of a colony of cormoragni (Manna, 2010) in the scoi, but maybe they are cormorognas, a subspecies very danger­ous for the human hygiene. The animals are trying from years to live in peace and push the people away, they have adiritur write on the Little’s Segnalazioni a long letter, but the war is still going on. Some ornithologists are convinted that they are preparing a secret alliance with the cocai of the Pedocin. In the Topoleen 5 the comun have exposed the photoes of all the Miss Topoleenee.

Topoleen 6
The Topoleen 6 is a sort of No man’s land, and it represent the confin with the younger maledeta mularia of the next Topoleenee. The topology is CBCR and the zone is little populated.

Topoleene 7-8
This zone is the kingdom of the clanfa, the hotspot of all the young clanfadores. The CTF factor topology in this zone belong primarily to the CBCR category. The mulettes stay here attracted by the clanfadores. However, there is a clear negative trend in the demography of the zone, that, if confrontated with 10 years ago, appears semi-empty. Sacrilegiament, in 2010 the Topoleen 8 is also become the base of the evil comitato anti-tuffi, a group of anti-clanfa firmadores (Porfiria, 2010).

Topoleene 9-10
The last two topoleenee have various topologies: the Topoleen 9 is characterized by the presence of some mulones and some squeenzias, while at the topoleen 10 appears predominant for the first time the topology of the squeenzia, that will populate also the California.

This zone is really really populated, there is a great mularic skagazz and it is very easy to zapar some sugamans while camining. The CTF topology changes while you go ahead: it passes from CBCR to squeenzias and finally to mulones and some nacici.

Allontananding from the California there is always less skagazz, until you reach a very quiet zone, from Marinella to Beevio. This is the place of the mulones and of some tardones that want to stay in peace, immersed in an uncontaminated nature enriched by the spuzon of the auti.

Avicinanding to the Beevio, the skagazz level raises again, but not at the level of California. The Beevio is another CTF hotspot, and a lot of nacici can be seen here, together with some mulones and some tardones. Also, there are some maranteegas that comment all day the CTF quality of the other maranteegas.
As a secondary results we noticed that the number of s’ciockanding auti is directly proportional to the CTF quality of the area.

The Barcolan Riviera in all his length represent the evolution of life of all the triestins, called Barcolan Riviera Life Tour (BRLT). The colonization of the Riviera begins at the Cedas with your family, when you are a young cagainbraghe. Then, when you are promoted to mocoloso and to muleto, you can avanz to the Topoleenee. Then there is the next stage, the California, when you are a mulo not yet decided if to became a legera, a nagana, a bobana or a tara. Growing, you have to go on. However, to complete the stage of California and to be promoted to Marinella, you have to become able to put a sdraio on your motorin. Some say that you can also find special sdraios homologated for the motorin (Sardoni Barcolani Vivi, concert communication), probably at LIDL for 15,99 euri.
The last stage of this evolution seems to be the Beevio, but in reality the Barcolan Riviera Life Tour is organized like an old videogame: when you arrive at the end, you have simply to begin again. So the stage after the Beevio is the Pineta, and this explain the presence of nacici both in the Beevio and in the Pineta, in two places so distant. Then you will stay in Pineta until you are promoted to vecia boba. Then, you will return to the Cedas with your new sons, and they will begin a new Barcolan Riviera Life Tour. If you are an inoxidable sariandola tergestina, you will then try to complete the second lap of the BRLT, from Topoleenee to Beevio. If you will be successful in this second lap, you will finally win a person­al lavra and will be accepted in the lavre court of the Pineta, the final stage, with the solemn promise to defend the lavre court from the young maledeta mularia. In this last stage of your life you will also learn one of the most ancient secret of the old sariandola tergestina: the depandance car. The real wise triestin vecion, when the sun declares the beginning of the bal­near season, puts his depandance car in the Pineta and leave it there for all the summer, using it as a magazzin for the sugaman, the slippins, the boxers, the dresses, the frigo, the sdraio, the chairs, the tables, the cards and the personal lavra. Then he goes up and down using the autobus, in order to be free of biasteming in the bus to the young mularia for their fastidious zainetts full of monades (Vodopivec et al., 2010).
However, the results of our study suggest that some cambiaments are on the way: the Topoleenee are not so populated as years ago and, mostly preoccupant, if we exclude the lavre court, there is not a clear hot spot of the vecionis. Years ago there was a clear “vecionis zone” in the first 5 topoleenee. This confin was also recognized by the comun, that put here the photoes of the high CTF Miss Topoleenee, so the vecionis that tried to pass here risked an instantaneous infart (ULTRABULLoTS, 2010).
But now this division is not so clear and the vecionis are appostated everywhere and they are conquering pian pianin all the Barcolan Riviera. In July 2010, when we are writing this article, they are trying to win an important battle of the war against the mularia: the struggle for the Topoleen 8, one of the clanfa’s old rocca­forts, lead by the rebellious comitato anti-tuffi. This battle is mono­polizing the Little’s Segnalazioni, and news like the Rigassificator or the TAV anyone have them pel cool. The drastic demographic loss of the last Topoleenee seems to suggest that the comitato is winning and that the California could be­come soon the new confin. However, we are optimist, and thanks to the renewed interest in the clanfa endemism, testimoniated also by the Great Olympiad of the Clanfa, we think that the Topoleenee 7-8 could be soon dichiarated National Protected Clanfa Area and Devecionizated Zone.
Bon, we are going long without speaking about the most important thing: the CTF factor. We found two patata hotspot: Pineta and Beevio, that for now seems to be places distant enough from the generational clanfa war. However, the risk is that the possible future hegemony of the vecionis in all the Barcolan Riviera causes a diminution of the CTF factor, destroying our primary touristic attrac­tion.

We found the highest presence of nacici in the Pineta and in the Beevio, so we think that the two area must be prepared for the touristic future explosion. For this, we think that it is necessary that we take a lot of finanziaments in order to:
-butar in graia all the depandance cars of the vecionis, that steals parking for tourists;
-organize courses to teach to the tourists the endemism of the sdraioinmotorining, that they will surely find useful;
-organize courses of clanfa for tourists in the future National Protected Clanfa Area, in order to infastidate the vecionis that will soon be compattated again in their natural zones (the lavre court and the first 5 topoleenee).
In this way the CTF factor will no more be disturbed by the nosepolism and will grow prosperous and free, attracting new tourists every year.

We thanks all the nacici of Barcola for making the long caminada so interesting.
We thanks the Comitato anti-tuffi because we think that this sort of comitate represent an important part of the triestinity necessary to give morbin to the triestin summers and to the Little’s Segnalazioni, and must be salva­guardated. However, we obviously are on the side of the clanfadores, at least until our second lap of the BRLT.
We thank all the persons of the Spiz Association because thanks to the Clanfa Olympiad the important endemism of the clanfa is strongly salvaguardated.
Finally, we thank Sardoni Barcolani Vivi for the pearl of saggezz: “giovini triestini, chi stà meo de noi, noi ne basta un spritz, distirai sui scoi”.

Burlasconi S. 2008. A chi ghe piasi la figa che tiri una riga: better a durex than a dura lex. Ford Escort ediction.
Manna D. 2010. Zooillogic canton: cormoragno. Tre Volte Monon Behavior
Manna D. 2009a. Miramare-Opicina: a preliminary study on the best bicycle way. Monon behavior Vol. 69 No. 90: 6-8.
Manna D. 2009b. Spinazing, the triestin answer to the crisis. Monon behavior Ciu: 8-12.
Manna D. 2009c. The triestin mularia: a preliminary characterization. Monon behavior Ciu: 13-20.
Porfiria F. C. 2010. Sigaro e tuffi: no se pol. Little’s Segnalazioni collection.
ULTRABULLoTS. 2010. Cossa fa Miss Topoleenee? Infarteenee version.
Vodopivec J., Remenghic V. and Futer M. C. 2010. Mi me dà fastidio la gente che se tufa e schiza. Mi la gente che pissa in acqua. Mi i cani che spuza in acqua. Mi quei che gioga carte e ziga. Mi quei che suda. Mi quei con la panza che pica. Mi quei con le latine gasade che co te le verzi le fa psssh. Little’s Segnalazioni Best of July.

martedì 25 marzo 2014

I triestini e il lavoro alla C.D.C.

Il Monon Behavior Research Department è lieto di comunicare che finalmente tutti i problemi occupazionali della città di Trieste saranno risolti.

Gavemo trovà l'azienda che fa per noi.
Mandar el curriculum subito! E specificar ben che sè de Trieste!
Chi xe più adato dei triestini a lavorar alla C.D.C.?

Gradito diploma de nosepolismo, laurea in mandemerdismo e master in noxecoioni.
Ci sarà subito una prima selezione per scartare immediatamente quei che ga zata.

Paracul Advisory: Ou, se scherza, l'azienda in realtà xe seria, anzi, chissà che qualche dotor triestin no mandi per bon, magari gavemo fato sul serio un servizio utile sto giro ;)

lunedì 17 marzo 2014

El quel dele Hawaii

Perciò che no finissi in dimenticatoio, recuperemo questa importante testimonianza che mostra una interessante convergenza evolutiva linguistica: l'uso del quel.
Come mostra sta vigneta tradota da Erika Ronchin, anche ale Hawaii i ga una parola che servi per sostituir le altre, e xe "da kine".

De particolar interesse scientifico el fato che sia el quel che da kine xe fomai dela stessa combinazion numerica de letere: 2+4. Per dir, anche l'italian "il coso" xe 2+4. Urgi ricerca aprofondita per capir el perchè de sto quel numerico.

Resta inegabile comunque che el quel triestin xe molto più specifico: quel solo che quel pol esser, mentre de cosi ghe ne xe tanti pertuto.

giovedì 20 febbraio 2014

El dazio del far el mona per no pagar el dazio

Ogi l'oroscopo dei pessi de Internazionale (mio, essendo nato el 4 marzo) disi:
"Dal 2010 al 2012 Eric Garcetti ha lavorato nelle serie televisive The closer e Major crimes, dove interpretava il ruolo del sindaco di Los Angeles. Poi, nel 2013, si è presentato alle elezioni ed è diventato veramente sindaco della città. È uno spettacolare esempio dell’idea di Kurt Vonnegut secondo cui tendiamo a diventare quello che fingiamo di essere. [...]"

Questo me ga fato molto pensar ala veridicità de un modo de dir triestin: far el mona per no pagar el dazio.

Fazendo finta de esser mona, in pratica, no te paghi el dazio. Però secondo Kurt Quel te diventerà mona per bon. E a quel punto no te farà più el mona, perchè te sarà mona, e i mone no riva a far i mone. Quindi ala fine el dazio te tocherà pagarlo. Ciapa.
El modo de dir quindi xe falso. Se te fa el mona, ala fine te pagherà el dazio. E in più te diventerà anche mona per bon.

E dopo me xe vegnudo in mente che ghe xe anche el caso de quei che fa i finti boni. Sempre secondo Kurt Quel, un ala fine a far el finto bon diventerà bon per bon. Bon per bon xe Bon al quadrato. Te ghe zonti el bon che te fazevi finta de esser, e diventa Tre volte bon, che vol dir mona.
Morale: anche a far el finto bon te diventerà mona.

Quindi inutile far finta de esser quel che no se xe dei. Basta con ste false aspirazioni. Imparemo ad acetarse per quel che semo e seguimo el futuro che xe za stado scrito:

P.S. anche el bonbon, se xe bon, xe un bon bonbon, quindi xe tre volte bon, quindi xe mona.

mercoledì 5 febbraio 2014

L'autostrada per i mone

Ad Atene, per andar in aereoporto, anzi, in aparechioporto, ghe xe una strada 'ssai ma 'ssai particolare.
Xe l'autostrada per mononi. Monon only. E no se paga, xe agratis.

E vara ti, xe tanti che prova a ciaparla de sconton per sparagnar un pochi de schei.
De cui el famoso modo de dir: far el mona per no pagar el dazio.

Grazie a Gianpaolo Frisan e Nicoletta Mariotti per la fotosegnalazion :)