mercoledì 10 maggio 2017

Trieste: European City of Science 2020?

Il Monon Behavior Research Department non poteva non dare il proprio sostegno per la candidatura di Trieste a Città Europea della Scienza 2020.
Appena abbiamo saputo che la Commissione avrebbe dovuto leggere un report di 200 pagine, subito ci siamo messi nei loro panni e abbiamo esclamato "che coioni!".
Quindi abbiamo prodotto questo paper di 4 pagine che semplificherà di molto il lavoro ai muloni che devono prendere questa difficile decisione. Daghe!

Trieste: European City of Science 2020?

Monon Behavior Research Department

The marvelous city of Trieste is one of the two candidates to become the European City of Science 2020. We provide here a fundamental study to help the Supervisory Committee in its difficult final decision without reading a long full bid, saving in this way a lot of precious time that could instead be spent happily in Trieste. Yes, obviously we sustain Trieste. Even with psychological subliminal colored brain manipulation. Trieste. Trieste. Trieste is good. You love Trieste.

Key words: ESOF, cevapčiči, pint of science, no se pol, hangover 

ESOF (EuroScience Open Forum) is the largest interdisciplinary science meeting in Europe. This biennial European forum brings together over 4,000 researchers, educators, business actors, policy makers and journalists from all over the world to discuss breakthroughs in science and give them a platform for discussions on science and society, policy and business issues.
Yes, the part above is a shameless copy-paste from the web. But this is the introduction, and the introduction is always a clever work of copy-paste (Vinavil, 2016).
At the end of the first selection, two candidates remained in play to host the ESOF and become European City of Science 2020: Trieste and the combo Leiden/The Hague in the Netherlands. As Leiden and The Hague are actually two different cities, some wise strategists suggested to Trieste to ally with its historic evil neighbor enemy: the city of Udine. But Trieste heroically refused and will face the last battle only with its own force, as shown in fig. Yoda (Yoda, 32 BBY).

Fig. Yoda. Yoda encouraging Trieste to face the battle alone.

So, now Trieste has to produce a complete full bid of 200 pages to convince the Supervisory Committee to select it. 200 pages. Yes, 200 pages.
Even if you read them very rapidly it will take about 3 minutes/page (Vicki the Robot, 1986), for a total of 3 x 200 = 600 minutes, i.e. 10 hours, i.e. more than an entire day of work, i.e. more than an entire month of work for triestin people.
As we know that this could be a very boring and long job, with this paper we want to help the Supervisory Committee to take its final decision without reading nothing. Only this short paper. Because short is better. Like Maradona. Or Messi.
P.s. You love Trieste.

Material and methods
To collect data for this report we used the first person wine-break sampling method (Depardieu, 2013), living directly for 38 years the peculiarity of the city and speaking with other scientists during coffeewine-break about Trieste.
We also use the subliminal colored brain manipulation, but you must not be aware of this. Trieste rulez.

The main result of the important wine-break brainstorming sessions are shown in fig. Hangover.

Fig. Hangover: Mačka, also known as the dog of Trieste, after a wine-break brainstorming session.

However, a lot of interesting secondary results were obtained, as shown below:
Scientific background:
Trieste seems to be perfect to host the ESOF 2020 for its great number of organizations and people involved in science:
  • ICTP (International Centre for Theoretical Physics)
  • SISSA (International School for Advanced Studies)
  • University of Trieste
  • Area Science Park
  • Elettra-Sincrotrone
  • OGS (National Institute of Oceanography and Experimental Geophysics)
  • ICS (International Center for Science)
  • ICGEB (International Centre for Genetic Engineering and Biotechnology)
  • TWAS (The World Academy of Science for the advancement of science in developing countries)
  • UWC (United World College) Adriatic
  • IS (Immaginario Scientifico)
  • OATs (Astronomical Observatory of Trieste)
  • FIT (Fondazione Internazionale Trieste)
  • IAP (InterAcademy Panel on International Issues)
  • IAMP (InterAcademy Medical Panel)
  • COSTIS (Consortium on Science, Technology and Innovation for the South)
  • AMP Miramare, the first Marine Protected Area in Italy
And, last but not least, Monon Behavior, the first Research Department that use the scientific method for useless and demential triestin things.

Geographic position:
Trieste has a perfect central position:
1. It is exactly on the border between East and West Europe. So you can easily find occidental beers as well as top quality eastern beers.
2. Trieste is also on the border between North and South: now it is in the industrious North of Italy, but for 500 years it was the lazy South of the old Austro-Hungarian Empire.
This cultural melting pot is reflected also by the food, and you will find pasta and pizza as well as cevapčiči, pljeskavice, razniči, goulash and jota.
However, there is still a big wall in Trieste, the last wall in Europe: the wall of the Pedocin, the only beach where males and females are happily separated (Fig. Pedocin). Ten years ago, the proposal of breaking down the wall was followed by a popular insurrection to maintain it. 

Fig. Pedocin. The wall of Pedocin, separating males (left) from females (right).

Trieste in his history experimented all the three great dictatorial regimes: Fascism, Nazism and Communism.
Also, the actual mayor was born in the evil rival neighbor city of Udine (Manna, 2017).
As you can notice, Trieste is even too much accessible.

Business plan:
Trieste is the capital of istrianism, i.e. the capacity of saving money. So there will be no problem for this. We will buy slovenian gasoline, beers and medicine, so the budget will be easily affordable.

The historic motto of the city is: No se pol, that means something like “No, you can't”.
Can you choose Leiden and The Hague instead of Trieste? The answer is obviously: “No se pol”.

Hotels and conference facilities:
Trieste is a touristic city so it's full of hotels, restaurants and nice places where people can meet and relax.
But the real peculiarity of Trieste is the osmiza. Osmizas are small farms, each of them opens two weeks a year to sell its own products: eggs, ham, cheese, bread and wine.
Osmiza is the triestin endemism that you will love at first sight (fig. Osmiza).

Fig. Osmiza. The rapresentation of Heaven.

Preparation of the event:
Trieste has one of the greatest percent of over65 in Europe (Cecchelin, 1955). So, there will be a lot of old people watching the construction sites, controlling that everything is made con un poco de quel che se ciama, i.e. as in the old times, when everything was always done better (Fig. Umarells).

Fig. Umarells. Old people coordinating the street works. Photo from

From our results, it seems to be clear that Trieste is the perfect choice for the ESOF 2020. Its position and accessibility mixed with its high scientific background is yet a great attribute, but the thing that make Trieste obligatory is obviously the osmizas.
There is a clear correlation between osmizas and science, as shown in the graphic below (Manna, 2016).
Open osmizas vs triestin scientific production from 1990 to 2015.

Finally, osmizas easily explain why everybody loves Trieste:
You love osmiza. Osmiza is TriesteYou love Trieste.
This demonstration is so logical that it doesn't need any further discussion. However, if asked, other discussions could be done in Trieste 2020, obviously in osmiza.

The paper surely gave to the Supervisory Committee a good help for their final decision.
However, this short report resulted not as short as we wanted. This is because Trieste is such a wonderful city that we could continue in the description of its peculiarities for at least... 200 pages. Ok, we think you must read also the complete official full bid. Surely you'll find other important reasons to select Trieste. The first one, obviously, is that you love Trieste.

Thanks to every person that loves Trieste and that will read this important paper up to this point.
And thanks to Yoda. Yes, we will use the force!

Cecchelin A. 1955. Old people: they must be killed yet in their childhood. Veci col capel 5: 45-49.
Depardieu G. 2013. 13 bottles a day keep the doctor away. In vino veritas.
Manna D. 2016. L'osmiza sul mare. Bora.La
Manna D. 2017. The clanfa: a rare triestin endemism. Monon Behavior remasterizated: 18-23.
Vicki the Robot. 1986. Reading... done.
Vinavil B. 2016. Introductions for dummies.
Yoda. 32 BBY. Trieste, use the force. Star Wars real quotes changed by Lucas for avid purposes: 124.

Bon, se volete lo studio tutto bel in pdf per spedirlo in giro potete scaricarlo qui
Fatene buon uso!
P.S. E' tornato il Monon Behavior in edizione ampliata e remasterizata! Lo trovate a soli 5 euri in libreria a Trieste, in Bisiacaria oppure comodamente online a questo link oppure in  versione ebook.

2 commenti:

  1. Simply figon! About the scientific contents nothing de dir!
    Pint of Science Trieste Team will support Trieste application to become OSMIZA...opps, Città della Scienza 2020, also cussì in 2020 we'll be full of scientists and poderemo drink a lot of birete!

    Great Manna!!

  2. " ... i.e. more than an entire day of work, i.e. more than an entire month of work for triestin people.."
    Ottimisti!!!! This is in the assumption that it is winter, in summer at least four months. Too heavy to take with you at Barcola


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