I 7 grandi misteri di Trieste

Opalà, come disessi i veci!
Nuova anteprima da The Origin of Nosepolis! Tratto dall'articolo sulla Maledizion de Miramar, ecco la lista dei 7 misteri (quasi tutti) irrisolti di Trieste!

The city of Triest, characterized by a very high quantity of petessons, is also full of strange stories and misteries. And maybe the two things are not so indipendent.
We can easily remember 7 of them:

1. The cryptic topone de gomma for Mustaca
   
   
2. The malvagity of the Curva Bauca III
   
   
3. The epic infiammability of the Visioli’s sandals
   
   
4. The Dama Bianca, famous for tiring a lot of bianche
5. The less conosciuted Dama Nera, famous for tiring a lot of nere
6. The evil Tecnovirus for stragist triestins
   
   
7. The maledition of Miramar Castle.
   
   

E bon, oviamente se volè scoprir la storia dela maledizion de Miramar no resta che cior el libro (o far un regalo boomerang e poi farvelo prestar. O andar in libreria e legerla a scroco e po bon :P ).
Nele librerie più bobe e online qua :)

La Scala Bora

Ben bon, sicome semo stufi de quantificar la potenza dela bora sula noiosissima e imprecisissima scala dei chilometri orari che dopo ognidun disi quel che el vol, stemo elaborando una nuova Scala Bora, molto ma molto più utile nel descriver el fenomeno catabatico blablabla.

Pupol by Erika Ronchin

Sta Scala Bora sarà più vicina ala gente, niente numeri freddi e emotivamente stitici che nissun li caga, ma una bela definizion per ogni livello de bora che se pol usar in osteria per far colpo sule babe, o sul vin, se no xe babe, roba bastanza comune. Quindi tipo "Iera cussì tanta bora che me xe svolade le mudande del pergolo".

Xe in definizion, quindi podè contribuir nei comenti se volè. L'ispirazion xe l'ecelente lavoro dei sienziati che misura i tornado col cul dele galine.

Bon.

Scala B.O.R.A. (Bora Orcotron Remengo Actions)

0. No xe più la bora de una volta.
1. Iera cussì tanta bora che le cocalare de Trieste ghe dava de magnar ai colombi de Venezia.
2. Iera cussì tanta bora che l'ultimo gran premio del Brasile lo ga vinto un scovazon de Trieste
3. Iera cussì tanta bora che anca l'Ursus xe andado a remengo
4. Iera cussì tanta bora che anca remengo xe andado a remengo e l'Ursus no saveva più dove andar.
5. Iera cussì tanta bora che... bon, i gati no gaveva comunque pel cul.
6. Iera cussì tanta bora che semo rivai studar i incendi in Sardegna fazendo le gare de pissade del Molo San Carlo.
7. Iera cussì tanta bora che no serviva più molarghe el fil al mandriol peloso perchè iera za svolado via (e no iera gnanca più peloso ormai).
8. Iera cussì tanta bora che se te verzevi insieme le portiere del'auto te sparagnavi sul volo Trieste-Cità del Capo.
9. Iera cussì tanta bora che se te molavi una scoresa la fazeva el giro del mondo e dopo un do minuti te rivava una s'ciafa de damer intel muso da est-nordest.
10. Iera cussì tanta bora che iera impossibile bestemiar: se te provavi tirar zo un santo el svolava via prima (in compenso el te bestemiava drio lui).


Ben bon, certi de gaver fato un utile servizio ala citadinanza, ve ricordemo che xe pena uscido "THE ORIGIN OF NOSEPOLIS", aka Monon Behavior 4, nele librerie più bobe nonchè comodamente online qua!
E tuti i misteri de Trieste, dala maledizion de Miramar al Nosepol, dal Quel che se ciama ala movida, dai cocai ale Lasko ve sarà finalmente riveladi!
O se preferì un bel zogo sai figo e cocolo, el must xe BARKOLANA col'espansion MATI PER BARKOLANA! Daghe!

I gatti sono liquidi, lo dice la scienza

Gnente, solito studio sui gati, dopo quel sui gati che no ga pel cul, quel'altro sui gati che no ga pel cul, e quel sui gati che ghe piasi le scatole de carton.
Insoma scienza utile come che ne piasi a noi.

Insoma el mulon M.A. Fardin in sto importante studio studia la reologia del gato. La reologia xe la scienza che studia i equilibri dela materia deformada dale solecitazioni.
E qua xe casin, perchè se, come gavemo dito prima, el gato no ga pel cul, parlar de "solecitazioni" xe fora logo, perchè el gato no gaverà pel cul, per cui per forza el sta in equilibrio, ostregheta!
E gnente, no gavemo leto el resto perchè no iera voia. Lo trovè qua. Ma sai ne piaseva i pupoli e ecoveli.

No so. Pensar che i gati xe liquidi ne fa strano. Secondo noi xe più coreto pensar che i liquidi xe in realtà gati. Anzi, probabilmente tuti xe gati. Anche noi. E quindi no gavemo pel cul e po bon.


Ben bon, a proposito de scienza mona, ricordeve che xe pena uscido "THE ORIGIN OF NOSEPOLIS", aka Monon Behavior 4, nele librerie più bobe nonchè comodamente online qua!
E tuti i misteri de Trieste, dala maledizion de Miramar al Nosepol, dal Quel che se ciama ala movida, dai cocai ale Lasko ve sarà finalmente riveladi!
E dentro xe pien de gati!

Scontrosa grazia dei vecioni de Trieste: come sopravvivere

Opalà! E dopo l'anteprima completa sul NOSEPOL dal nuovo bellissimo libro The origin of Nosepolis che si trova in tutte le librerie più bobe di Trieste e FVG e online qua e che xe el regalo de Nadal più bel del mondo (bon, reclam finida :D ), ecco in anteprima i risultati dello studio sui Vecioni de Trieste!

P.s. Ovviamente lo studio non riguarda tutti i veci, che mediamente xe cocoli (paracool advisory!), ma solo the dark side of the vecionis: the ranzid vecionis, the bavose vecionis, the vecia marantigas or even worst the scontrosa grazia vecionis.


VECIONI, SE LI CONOSCI LI EVITI. SE LI CONOSCI, NO I TE MANDA A REMENGO

Results
In figure time budget you can see the time budget of the ranzid, bavose and scontrosa grazia vecionis. Time budget is a highly professional term traducibile in triestin with “cossa casso i fa”.

Impetessing
This is one of the favourite passatemp of the vecionis, performed in particular where they can drink very traditional vinazza or bevanda and not monade moderne like spritz aperol, mohiti and other stupidezzs.

Fig. Coso. The ex sindac Cosoleenee performing
a perfect mandriolaschening.

Mandriolaschening
It consists in watching the cantiers brontolanding and porconanding to the lavorators that no se fa cussì and that fazevo meio mi and that una volta iera meo. Solitament this behavior is performed with the traditional posture called “la classica”, i.e. con le man drio la schena (fig. Coso).

Talianing
It consists in speaking to young muleti, mocolosi and cagainbraghe trying to use the italian language. Obviously they will vocalize obrobriety like “occhio al plocchio” or “non bevere che ti va per tresso” or “passami il cucchiaro e il pirone” or “dopo andiamo in osmicchia a bere uno spricchio”.

Scataracing
Emission of spudoni on the road frequently preceduted by heavy sounds of muco snorting, cataro growling or mocol sniffing.

Capel driving
Performed tipicament in an old Ford Fiesta. The vecion will drive it using only the first gear, with a capel in the head, sfrizionanding a casinazz and remenghing all the other road users, like auti-che-cori-come-mone, motorete-che-fa-zig-zag, bici-che-trieste-no-xe-per-bici and pedoni-che-no-i-ga-una-casa?

Cotecing
Playing cotecio, but also gnagning, briscoling and treseting, with integrated porconing for each card butated in tola.

Mulete sardoning
The real vecio bavoso follow a complicated algorithm that oblige him to sardonate only muletes of an age estimated with the formula:

Età muleta da sardonar = Età vecio bavoso/3 + 16 - Età vecio bavoso/3 + remengo random number.

Nosepoling
Consists in the emission of the sacre formula “nosepol” to every new (or old) propost. Variation can be “nosegamaifato” or the most powerful “nogascopo”.

Pedocining
Performed primarily by female vecia marantigas, it consists in going to the sea at the Pedocin remenghing all the other vecia marantigas that permit themselves to put their sugaman 1 cm inside their habitual space.

Ruksac remenghing
Morning behavior performed in the coriere of about 7.40 a.m. or 1 p.m., caused by the ruksacs of the muletis that break the marones if tegnuted on their shoulders and break the marones istess if tegnuted on the ground, because the ranzid vecionis could tolate themselves.

Scaio intanfanding
Strictly correlated to ruksac remenghing, this behavior is performed primariament on the coriere, but all day long. You can nasar sudaded scaions or eau de varechina scaions or the evil teero de naftalina scaion.

Clanfe remenghing
Performed in summer when young clanfadores schizz apositament the vecionis at the Topolini, rovinanding the messainpiega of the vecia marantigas.

Gataring
Typical behavior of vecia marantigas, that give food and cocoles to selvadigos cats. This behavior evolved also in cocalaring, cinghialaring and cornaciaring.

Inconsapevol autoironing
The real ranzid vecion doesn’t think to be a vecion. So, all the vitzs and batudones on the vecionis will make him laugh a lot. A typical expression of a 90 years old ranzid inconsapevol vecion is: “Ciò, iera quel mona de vecio insempià... 70 ani el ga, coss’te vol far...”.

Opalà! Per saver el resto del studio e sopratuto come sopraviver ve toca comprar el libro :P
Opur andè de sconton in libreria, butè un cuc dentro e dopo scampè. Comportamento catalogato come: istrianing or sbafo reading :D

San Nicolò: le 10 lettere imperdibili

Bon ah, manca 3 giorni a San Nicolò. Ricordeve che xe sceintificamente dimostrado che a Trieste xe San Nicolò che porta i regali, e no Babbo Natale :D
Gavè za scrito la leterina? El nostro dipartimento de intercetazion ghe ne ga za becade un 10 al volo. Ecole!

1. Caro San Nicolò, portime un pochi de panolini, che gavemo bisogno. [C. Cogoi]
2. Caro San Nicolò, te prego, basta toponi de gomma. [Mustaca]

3. Caro San Nicolò, me servissi una scorta de altri 100 di questi giorni. [Roby Ofsquare]
4. Caro San Nicolò, se te rivi portime una zavata che la go persa e mia mare xe anni che me cori drio come mata. [Gigi Pirola]
5. Caro San Nicolò, te me rispondi sempre volentieri, ma dopo no te me porti mai un clinz.. Dei, almeno un poco de carbon dela Feriera. [Paul Noseh]
6. Caro San Nicolò, portime quel zogatolo cola caseta a forma de panocia. [Un furlan]



7. Caro San Nicolò, portime un do botoni novi per la camisa perchè i me se ga sbregado tuti. [Marisa]
8. Caro San Nicolò, portime le pirole che xe anni che me trema sempre un poco el cul. [V. Busani]
9. Caro San Nicolò, portime quel belissimo zogo BARKOLANA con anche l'espansion MATI PER BARKOLANA perchè bevo 'ssai lasko e go sentido che anca ai velisti ghe piasi 'ssai lascar. [G. Reclam]
   
   


10. Caro San Nicolò, portime The Origin of Nosepolis, el novo belissimo libro dela serie Monon Behavior. Te prometo che anderò ala presentazion uficiale martedì 4 dicembre ale 18.30 al MushrooM Bar, in via San Maurizio 4/b a Trieste!

11. Caro San Nicolò, se proprio te me vol regalar altro... beh, xe Sisì, Ottone e la cantina musicale, triestini e napoletani, FRICO, Radiodrammi di coppia, L'osmiza sul mare, el pedocin, Mirella Boutique, L'amor al tempo del refosco, Tergeste, El libro dele risposte triestine, quel dele risposte furlane... :)

La vera origine del NOSEPOL

Prima anteprima dal nuovissimo The origin of Nosepolis, capitolo conclusivo della saga Monon Behavior in cui tutti i segreti di Trieste verranno rivelati. Il libro si trova già nelle librerie e negozi di souvenir più boba di Trieste e dintorni, nonché online qua.
Presentazione ufficiale martedì 4 dicembre alle 18.30 al MushrooM Bar, in via San Maurizio 4/b.

E si parte quindi subito con uno dei misteri più antichi della città: dove nasce il NOSEPOL? C'è sempre stato? Keep all dear!

The real origin of Nosepol

DIEGO MANNA
Monon Behavior Research Department

Abstract
Trieste is often indicated as the city of Nosepol. Nobody knows why nosepol, but everybody knows that efetivament nosepol. We indagated this negative attitude of the city in search of its ancient origins.

Key words: volentiering, nogascopo, nosegamaifato, Nosepolis, Paul Noseh

Introduction
Nosepolism is a very well known characteristic of the city of Trieste. It consists in the fact that nosepol. Sometime it is so strong that it is very difficult, anzi, nosepol propio, saver why nosepol. Because nosepol, and basta.
Nosepolism has been studied by a lot of researchers (Zaflaucic, 1976), but the results were never publicated because nosepol. However, tracces of nosepolism have been found in long and larg in the history of Trieste, even in recent scaves that have revelated the shape of the city during the roman age (Fig. Vilevampi).

Fig. Vilevampi. The old giant NOSEPOL of Triest. 

This particular shape of the ancient Tergestum saved the culattes of the  tergesteenees behind hand (drio man), because when the barbarees, the longobards, the lanfurs, the quei and the queialtri tried to conquistar the city, they read “nosepol” za from lontan and so they molate the colp, because if nosepol then nosepol, pochi longhi.
Tergestum was defeated only when tergesteenees decided to make too much the bobazze building, vizin of  NOSEPOL, another giant dichiaration: MAGNENE LE CULATE. Napoleon, that was french and so very finoto, didn’t apreciate this, attacked Tergeste and made a big scagazz. As in his army there was also a big nagana called Remì, who made a lot of pupoli, from that time a big scagazz in Triest is called “Remì Tour”, or remitur (Dialetich. 1954).
Bon, all this introduction just to say that nosepolism is insite in triestins from centuries, so the aim of this study is to understand its origins and to evaluate if it’s possible to do something or if nosepol.

Material and methods
Searching for a method to analyze the nosepol, the first question we affrontated was if se pol studiar the nosepol.
It is a sort of biss that eat its tail, because if se pol than it’s not true that nosepol so our study subject was inesistent and our job finished. But, as we wanted to ciapar the scheis of our research, we ragionated for absurd and dichiarated that se pol studiar the nosepol.
So, we used the first person scoionament nosepol ciaping testanding how many nosepol we could ciapate in one month, and we categorizated them.

Results
From our scazanting experience, we found that nosepolism is well spread in the city with various forms, that we elencate here from the most gentle to the most ranzid:

VOLENTIERI
This is the softest form of nosepolism. Volentieri is an educated nosepol, a nosepol missiated with scontrosa grazia.

LAPROVINFRIUL
Another soft nosepol. Educatament it gives you a geographic alternative.

NOXESTAGION
Similar to laprovinfriul, but in this case the alternative is stagional. However, probably also in the other stagions it will not be stagion. And also there are no more the half stagions, so it’s very longhi.

LAZERCHININTERNET
Kind nosepol mixed with modern solution.

LAPROVISTOALTRO
Again a soft nosepol, with a pratic alternative.

SARIADEINVENTAR
Soft and positive nosepol that stabiliss that the richiest in effect could be useful. But however nosepol.

GNANCAZERCAR
Sort of friendly premonition, to make you sparagnar fadiga. Because the nosepol is in agguate, and if you begin to zercar, it will reach you and you will butar your time. Take a spritz instead.

NOESISTI
Similar to gnancazercar, but without the friendly advice. Key yourself, ciavite, insoma.

NOSEDOPRA
Even worst than noesisti. What you need exists, but it is a thing totally inutil that nobody use or ga pel cool. So: nosepol and you are mona.

NOSEPOL
Classic and most diffused negation of possibilities. It doesn’t need a reason. Remengo Obama’s “Yes we can”, the answer is nosepol!

PITOSTO-CHE-FAR-MAL-MEO-NO-FAR
Nosepol clearly motivated with scarse fiduce on your abilities. Obviously it’s not important if in reality you are the best in the world in doing that thing, because there is always at least a 0,001% of possibilities that you will fail. So, pitosto che failar mal, meo no far.

UNAVOLTANOIGAVESSILASSÀ
Nostalgic nosepol. In a sibylline way it attest that now se podessi, but it’s better not poder because sestavameocosestavapezo.

NOSEGAMAIFATO
Again a nostalgic nosepol, but without the sibylline riferiment. In this case it is clear that nosepol, in the past, now and forever, otherwise qualchidun gavessi za fato.

NOIFAPIÙ/GAVEVIMO MA NO ANDAVA
More powerful than nosegamaifato because basated on an active bad experience. It introduce the next and most powerful nosepol with this logical deduction:
Once se fazeva → No andava → Now no i fa più →  NOGASCOPO

NOGASCOPO
The supreme one, it ridiculize the nosepol. Infact, it is based on the idea that it is not important if se pol or nosepol, because even if se podessi, nogascopo.

Discussion
As you can see, the city of Trieste is oberated by nosepolism, so tanton that there is a proposal to change her name in NOSEPOLIS (Tanze, personal communication).
This richness in nosepol forms and the historic testimoniances made us think that the origin of nosepolism must be very very antic.
In particular, we hypothize that there must have been a traumatic event in the oldissim Trieste that decretate this big change in people’s attitude. A terrible thing like a big-bang, or a big-s’ciop, or a tsunami, or a deeluvio, or the meteorite for the dinosaurs, or Gigi D’alessio for the music.

Fig. Voio. Voio’s grave. By Erika Ronchin

We are nearly sure that this dramatic event was the Death of Voio, a casinaz of years ago.
After his death, when people asked for something, the answer became always “Voio is dead. He is dead in guera, with the mudand in tera.” (fig. Voio). This answer is clearly a form of Nosepol. An educative Nosepol for fioi that soon began the brain lavagg of triestins’ minds.
Then, but pochi sa, after some years also his sister Voleria died. And also his brother Volessi. Only one member of the family survived: his cousin Volentieri. Which, as we wrote in the results, is a soft form of Nosepol. So, things degenerated rapidament and the Nosepol soon enlarge his influence to all the city of Trieste, spreading in all its different forms.
However, other researchers think that these are all monades and that all the nosepol begins after the second world war, when in Trieste arrived the aleati (and also the cats were gobs) (Gobon, 1945).
In the allied office of “thing to do”, where all the triestin citizens used to portar their requests for the reconstruction, there was an impiegat called Paul Noseh. He put his firma on all the requests with a smile, but the triestins, not very able with languages, simply read always “Noseh Paul”, thinking it means Nosepol (they were also incazated because they thought “Ciò ma cossa ga de rider sto mona a dirne nosepol, ma el ne ciol pel cul?”). From that day the nosepol became unstoppable, even after the death of Paul Noseh (Hesser & D’arseh, 2013)

Conclusion
Nosepolism and Trieste seems to be an inscindible binomio, and the origin of this attitude resulted to be very ancient.
Nothing can be done to solve the situation, because if you try to impose a positive “se pol”, it will be soon annichilited by the nosepol, just following this simple commutative dimonstraction:
Sepol Nosepol = Se pol non poder, quindi Nosepol.
Nosepol Sepol = Nosepol poder, quindi Nosepol.
So, the only thing that we propose is to incentivate the use of the softest forms of nosepol, like volentieri.
We propose to be fully finanziated to open the Volentieri High School. Obligatory school book: el libro dele risposte triestine (Praselj, 2017).
However, it is clear that all this study no gaveva scopo.

Acknowledgments
We don’t ringraziate nissun because maybe we could dismentigar someone who then will incazzar himself for this ringraziaments fati mal, so: pitosto che far mal, meo no far.

References
Dialetich G. 1954. Etimologie del zoca. Monade Edizioni.
Gobon F. 1945. Gob your sea gob your father gob your sister’s pussy it was gob even that it was gob even that. The Gobons 3.
Hesser P. & D’Arseh P. 2013. 50 sfumature of Paul. Keep Paul Deer edictions.
Praselj A. 2017. El libro dele risposte triestine. Bora.La
Zaflaucic F. 1976. Nosepol: nosepol saver. Nosepol ediction

Ai gati ghe piasi le scatole de carton

Niente, dopo lo studio sui gatti che no ga pel cul e il secondo studio sui gatti che no ga pel cul, oggi segnaliamo questo importante studio:

in cui i muloni dimostrano incontrovertibilmente, dopo studi e controstudi e attente osservazioni e analisi, che:
- Ai gati ghe piasi le scatole de carton.
- Se i ga scatole de carton, i xe meno stressai.

No so, forsi nissun se iera ancora acorto :P

Da tutta questa scienza applicata al gatto, possiamo dunque ricavare questa definizione definitiva di Felis gatibus nogopelculis:

"The cat is a ronfanting pet that likes a carton baul and that doesn't have pel cul"

Nel contributo video, Pampel gioca nel suo castello di cartone. Senza gaver pel cul.

Ben bon, a proposito de scienza mona, ricordeve che xe pena uscido "THE ORIGIN OF NOSEPOLIS", aka Monon Behavior 4, nele librerie più bobe nonchè comodamente online qua!
E tuti i misteri de Trieste, dala maledizion de Miramar al Nosepol, dal Quel che se ciama ala movida, dai cocai ale Lasko ve sarà finalmente riveladi!