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martedì 18 febbraio 2014

Is Renzi the new Berlusconi? A scientific approach

commenti su Berlusconi?
DIEGO MANNA
Monon Behavior Research Department

Abstract
Italy lives in time of grossa crisi and great political scagazz. The last twenty years will be remembered in the history books as the Berlusconian Age. However, with the condann and the espulsion of Silvio from the parlament, this period sembrated finished. But now, a new minacc appear in the Stival's ciel: the new prime minister Renzi. Many person is convinciuted that he will be a new Berlusconi. This study try to make chiarezz on this difficult Renzusconian dilemma.

Key words: commenti su Berlusconi, In Cool Ade, burlasconity, burp, vaseline

Introduction
The last twenty years have been very difficult for the italian political situation. There were some ribaltons and sometime the sinistra even won the elections (addiritur governing for some years!), but the whole period has been segnated by the great influence of Silvio Berlusconi, so in the books it will be ricordated as the period of the Great BALLE (Berlusconian Age Lasted Long Enough).
With the definitiv condann of Berlusconi in one of the migliaias of  processes in which the evil communistic red togas tried to incastrate him and with his seguent espulsion from the parlament, all Italy was convinciuted that this period was finished. No, not all Italy. Only the part of Italy that was stuf of Berlusconi, i.e. the 99%, if we believe in what people say, or circumcirca the 70%, if we believe in what people vote, or circumcirca the 0%, if we believe that people don't have pel cool and prefer to watch the last Balotelli goal.
Now, in february 2014, Italy has a new young prime minister, called Matteo Renzi, who rottamated Civati and Cuperlo at the primarie of the PD, then rottamated Letta, who rottamated Bersani, who rottamated Renzi at the old primarie of the PD, who rottamated Civati and Cuperlo at the primarie of the PD, then rottamated Letta, who rottamated Bersani, who rottamated Renzi at the old primarie of the PD, who rottamated Civati and Cuperlo at the primarie of the PD, then rottamated Letta, who rottamated Bersani, che al mercato per due soldi un topolino comprò (Branduardi, 1968).
Fig. O. Renzusconi in the web
However, a lot of people is convinciuted that Renzi is very similar to Berlusconi and will soon begin a new egocentric age, the RACCO (Renzianic Age Clearly Continuing a Oltranz).
These people begin to search for similitudines between the two and some think addirittur that they're the same person (fig. O). This study want to make chiarezz about all this scagazz and answer to the fondamental domand: is Renzi the new Berlusconi?
This domand is fondamental for all the people who care about the future of Italy more than about the last Balotelli goal, i.e. 0% (We promise we'll be short, because we want to go to see the partid, what pair of maroons all this ciacoles!).
commenti su berlusconi?
Material and Methods
To establish in which measure Renzi is correlated to Berlusconi we used the Chi Quadrato statistical test. The computer asked us "Chi?" and we answered "Berlusconi". Then the computer asked the second "Chi?" and we answered Renzi. Then the computer didn't have us pel cool. We concluded that the Chi Quadrato is a test de chezz.
So we used the more scientifical first person monade reading in cesso sentaded sampling method (Manna, 2010), analysing all the data from the most autoritary press for their commenti su Berlusconi, like Lucignolo, Uomini e Donne, facebook group "Sei di Arcore se..." and facebook page "Forza Dudù".

Results
In the data we analyzed, we found some similitudines between Renzi and Berlusconi. Both of them have a very nice smile and are of good company, they seem muloni de osmiza. Also, in the last days they seem to have stricted a good raport. In addiction, both are bersagliated by the satire (+1 with this paper). Last but not least, both Renzi and Berlusconi seem to have a similar memory capabilities, testimoniated by some famous quotes like "Datemi pubblicamente del pirla se dovessi rifare accordi con Bossi" (Berlusconi, 1998) and "Io al governo non andrò mai senza elezioni" (Renzi, 2014). (About this sentence, some researchers are convinciuted that Renzi's exact words were "Io al governo senza elezioni? Volentieri", intending the triestin meaning of volentieri, i.e. "No". But all the rest of Italy understood that "volentieri" means "yes", so now Renzi has to governate against his real will).
Fig. A. A Goa'uld (cocolated by an olgetine?)
However, it is in the Osteria Alì O'babà e i 40 magnoni that we have found THE very important information: a secret Repart formed by eight soversiv nerd Scientific Investigators, called the RIS-8, is convinciuted that in reality Berlusconi was possesed by a Goa'uld (fig. A), a parassite alien (Stargate, 1994) that controls your mind and lives in your body until this becomes old, and then searches for a new younger body to trasferirs and to control his new mind. This alien was born inside a fresh hell, the planet In Cool Ade, and was called Burlasca 1, or Burlasca-One or Burlascone for friends.
Fig. Cool. Renzi at the Ruota of fortune
This theory says also that all the mediaset quizzes were in reality a coperture for a precise scope: finding a new body with a clever mind for the future traslocation of Burlasca-One.
The RIS-8 team is convinciuted that now Burlasca-One left the old body of Silvio Berlusconi to possess Renzi, that was selected in 1994 at the Ruota of fortune (fig. Cool).
commenti su Berlusconi
Discussion
After several ciacols and wine bicchiers with the RIS-8 team in the Osteria, our best researcher Paul D'Arseh sentenziated that their theory may be correct, pol darse. In fact, all the elements of the story began in 1994: Stargate, the discese of Berlusconi in politic and the partidon of Renzi at the Ruota of fortune. And also the rigor of Baggio, that was a clear infauste presage.
Fig. Bau. Free Berlusconi in free State
So, from 1994 to 2014 Berlusconi was possessed by the Goa'uld Burlasca-One, that was the real colpevol of all the sventures of Silvio. Now Berlusconi is surely free from the control of Burlasca-One, as well proved by his recent behaviors, quiet and serene at home with his morose and his dog Dudù (fig. Bau).
So, the real question that we have to answer to complete this study is: is now the Goa'uld Burlasca-One possessing Renzi?
To understand this, we elaborated an infallible test. We constructed a Burlasca Underbody Rilevator of Presence (BURP), that reveals if a person is possessed by Burlasca-One or not. It is based on the knowledge that Burlasca-One, if exposed to certain stimuli, will always responde with some well known Fixed Action Patterns, FAP (Burlasconi, 2008). Some of these are:

STIMULI - FAP
Presence of militars: Burlasca vocalizes a barzelet about Rosy Bindi and porconates
Presence of a Column and of Merkel: Burlasca hides behind the Column and make "Cucù" to Merkel. Time after, Burlasca will remember this joke as the "Columna invisible", but the fazios communist journalists will report that he said "Culona inkeyable"
Presence of Obama: Burlasca will scream "Mister Obama!" and the Queen Elizabeth will girate her balls
Presence of Obama: Burlasca will indicate him as "tanned"
Presence of Schulz: Burlasca will offer him the role of Kapò. Or of Capo in b
Presence of stranger high potatoes girls: Burlasca will say that they're nipotes of a random foreign president
Presence of Bush: Burlasca will considers des de fleg of iunaitis state nos onli a fleg ov a country, bus is a universal messeig ov fredom ev dimocracy
Presence of europarlamentaries: Burlasca will apostrophe them as "Turisti della democrazia"
Presence of Finlandes: Burlasca will offer them culatello saying that their renna affumicata fa cagar
Presence of non-electors: Burlasca will apostrophe them as synonims of an important leganord politic
Group Institutional Photo: Burlasca will make the cornazzs to the others (fig. Korn)


Fig. Korn. Burlasca-One reaction to the "Group Istitutional Photo" stimuli.
We haven't yet results about this, but we plan to use a lot of BURPs on Renzi for the next months to evaluate his Burlasconity rate. A first important exam will be how many patatons he will choose as ministers.

Conclusion
We have not concluded a zocca. But the days spent in the Osteria Alì O'babà e i 40 magnoni were very divertent and now we have scopert the important theory of the alien Burlasca-One that possessed Berlusconi's mind for 20 years. We now have to finish our work and understand, BURPing a lot, if now Burlasca-One is possessing Renzi's mind. To achieve this goal our important research must be fully finanziated by the government with a lot of eurazzi that we will use sapientement in the Osteria. If the Renzi Government will not finanziate us, this will be a clear conflitto d'interessi and will demonstrate immediately the high Burlasconity rate of Renzi. In this case, we will say Remengo and we will go to the Osteria to watch the last Balotelli goals and key yourselves.

Aknowledgements
We thanks the goa'uld Burlasca-One for the high quantity of quality material he gave for years to the italian satire. We'll miss you. And thanks to the world for all their commenti su Berlusconi.
 
References
Berlusconi S. 1998. Bossi? Boh, sì. Acutil fosforo Edizioni.
Branduardi A. 1976. Alla fiera dell'est no i vendi vaselina.
Burlasconi S. 2008. Chi ghe piasi la figa che tiri una riga, better a Durex than a Dura lex. Ford Escort Ediction.
Manna D. 2010. Tre volte Monon Behavior. Bianca&Volta Edizioni.
Renzi M. 2014. Governo? Volentieri. Acutil fosforo Edizioni.
Stargate. 1994. Aliens, canonazees, mati che spara and robe cussì, dei. Holly&BenjiWood




2 commenti:

  1. Spettacolare! Unica cosa, visto che non ho mai trovato errori nelle vostre pubblicazioni, nella sezione "Results", alla quinta riga, togliete la "s" da "seems".;-) Cmq, idoli!!! GB

    RispondiElimina
    Risposte
    1. corretto thanks!
      mai trovato errori! de no creder! in realtà saran stati mascherati in modo tale da sembrare fatti apposta :P

      Elimina

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