mercoledì 29 gennaio 2014

Ferriera, il vero piano di riconversione

E bon dei, visto che par che no se parli altro che de Ferriera, tiremo fora el Piano de riconversione elaborà dal Monon Behavior Research Department e publicà nel Tre Volte Monon Behavior. Iera un poco un segreto, ma ve lo contemo per tranquilizar un poco tuti.

The Ferriera and the two headed-chicken

The Ferriera is one of the greatest triestin problems of all times. It is like a giant furnace that emit a lot of different coloured spuzzes and fumere and black polver that incragnate the houses, the cars and the polmons of the people that live in the vicinanz.
A lot of people, in particular servolans, want the Ferriera to be transformed in a spaceship and be sent forever in the galaxy, very far away. Or, in alternative, want it to be destroyed in 100000 small pieces, vanishing in an atomic giant mushroom of freedom (ev democracy). Or, in alternative, want it to be traslocated in the house of the sindac. Or in the house of the president of the region. Or in a random town that ends with “-acco”. Or, in alternative, want it just to be closed and the key buttated in the condot and po' bon.
However, there are also a lot of people that work inside the Ferriera and that would loose their job.
So, the situation is very longhee and there are different positions and different promises of closing, of neting, of parfuming, of sposting, of converting, of making a qualcossa dei. The only result is that the Ferriera is still there, still spuzzing.
As we are always close to some election, a Homo politicus, that we will not cite, ask us to elaborate a conversion plan that will make all happy: servolans, triestins, workers and fundamentalist ambientalists. As this candidate gave us a lot of fliches, we have elaborated this great plan.

Ferriera is the typical name that is old and revolted to the past. The citizens have scassated themselves the maroons of the past, they want some renovation, some positive and propositive name, young, focused on the present or even better launched at full speed to a fantastic and brilliant future.
So we propose the name Ferrxe o Ferrsarà.

Project of conversion 
We live in times in which there is a great interest for the traditions, for the history and for the cultural memories of the populations. So, we made a very deep research in the history of the Ferriera, back to the XIX century, finding some very interesting things.
The small borghett of Servola, which name derived from Sylvula (Wood), was very famous from centuries for the production of a gustosissim bread, and the women that prepared it, the pancogolas, were rinomated in all the austroungaric empire.
The celebrity of the bread arrived adiritur to the Kaiser Franz Joseph, who invited the pancogolas in Wien to taste the famous servolan paneen. It was the 1897. In this occasion, Franz Joseph made a big gift to the pancogolas: a super ultra fantasmagoric modern technologic­al furnace to prepare their bread.

Kaiser Franz Joseph gives the modelin of the Ferriera to the pancogolas as a prize for their good bread.

This furnace was, obviously, the Ferriera, and from that day the pancogolas ghe ga dà zo in piena. It's only with the great skagazz of the first world war that the Ferriera became a heavy industry dedicated to carbon and metals and spuzzs. Then, after some decades, the pancogolas extincted for the too restrictive laws and burocracy.
Moral of the story: the Ferriera was in origin a furnace for bread, and this is what we want it to became again (note digomonade).

All the actual workers of the Ferriera will not loose their occupations, in fact the new bread furnace will need a lot of cooks and panettiers, and we will teach them how to do these jobs.
We also want to revive the figure of the pancogola, obviously readapting her to modern times. The pancogola of the Burlasconian Age will be the “pancocola”, a nice girl of maximum CTF factor and minimum dress factor full of joy, uguaglianz and pari opportunities. If she is also able to make bread, even better.

One of the greatest problem of the actual Ferriera is that the surrounding ambient is all inquinated and scagazzated. So, a great bonifica is needed, but, as we are pedocious and ecological sustainable, we will recycle all the sporcugnes.
The carbon, for example, will be obviously used to aliment our furnace, but also for a new genial purpose: we are planning to make a big black beach of carbon sand, just in front of the Ferriera. This beach will be full optional: thanks to the carbon sand, you will be abbronzated in one second, just sdraianding yourself on it. In addiction, people will be allowed to make panzonic grigliatas of cevapceecee, razneecee and what they want, simply using our carbon sand to cook. Furthermore, in the winter season, the carbon will be impizated, so people will make the toch even in the coldest day of bora and our balnear stabiliment will be open all year round. And, last but not least, our pancocolas will be very happy to be at people's service, taking them a fresh paneen of fritaia for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
We are quite sure that this beach will become famous in all the world and will attract a casinaz of tourists. We will call it the Carbonceen, in honor of the Pedoceen.

The production of the furnace will comprise all the traditional triestin paneens, so we will produce white bread, black bread, bombets, rosets, stroozas, beegas and beeghettas, s'ciopetts, pagnottes, pangrattated, pansooto, caiser, cheefels, brooschettas, stoombelzes, cornetts, ecc.
We will also experiment new fantastic tastes with all the vanzumi of the old Ferriera: carbonic bread, sulfuric bread, zincopiombic bread and other like these. Most important, we will always give to our clients the zonta de pan de fighi.
Obviously, all our products will be proudly insigned with the regional label “Tipicamente Friulano”.

Km zero
In this times a lot of people are fan of the Km zero, and prefer to buy local products in order to be more sustainable and to inquinate less, eliminating long transports.
We think that this is a very positive attitude, but, in order to make a lot of money, we need to sell our products in all the world, so we studied a plan to cazzarghela to the km zero fundamentalists.
The most artistically talented of our workers will be occupied in the design of smart cammuffaments for our paneens, in order to make them appear spanish, americans, japanese, madagascarians or whatever we need. For example the austriac paneens will be full of capuzi che no se pol magnar, the chinese will have the “made in china” label, the jamaican will be s'ciocanding, ecc. The portoguese paneens instead will not exist, because they could cazarnela without paying us. Idem for the istrians. And the genoves.

The jamaican paneen

Another thing that people like very much in these times is the biological product.
So, we have bought a lot of sudoku in order to evaluate the logical capabilities of our products. Instead, we have not understood the meaning of “bio”. Bu, our products will be logical and po' bon, people will have to accontentate themselves, dei. And if they do not like our “logical paneens” and want “biological paneens”, they will tackate themselves to the tramway.

As we are very sgaious, we will use an innovative pedocious zachetesoning (Manna, 2009): we will put a small bridge over the Superstrada, that is very close to us, and we will launch our paneens (involtizated in some tacadiz contenitors) on the cars in the road that are going to the final destination of our paneens (they will have to declare their destination at the beginning of the Superstrada).
In recent times there were a lot of polemics because the Ferriera was accused to be the cause of a lot of s'cioks in the Superstrada caused by her black polver. This problem will be easily resolved because all the eventual fregoles of our paneens fallen in the Superstrada will be immediately eaten by the colombs, so also the animalists will be happy and there will not be scovazzas in the road.

Construction times
The conversion of the Ferriera could be done in less than one year, using our modern technology of disfing and remaking. However, we are sure that there will be a lot of nosepolist problems, Siora Jole will write to Segnalazioni that the old Ferriera must be protected and that nissun ghe gaveva dito sta roba, Ucio de Borgo will answer that the carbon xe bon, Cianeto will write that Stelio told him that the carbon sand is corrosive and the decision will be rimandated, at least until the next elections.
However, as we have yet intascated our lot of bori, we do not gavem pel cool and we will keep on singing this Sardoni Barcolani Vivi song:

La Feriera no sporca, la Feriera no inquina, 
 la Feriera xe la catedral de Trieste, de Muja e Dolina. 
Un rion che sparagna sula luse in cusina, 
una fiama splendente ilumina Servola sera e matina. 

Note digomonade: as this story is little real and little inventated and could create casin and confusion, we tell you what is real and what is not. The Ferriera obviously never was a bread furnace. Instead, the story of the pancogolas that met Franz Joseph is real (except for the gift and for the date: 1897 was the date of birth of the Ferriera). 

Manna D. 2009. Spinazing, the triestin answer to the crisis. Monon behavior Ciu: 8-12.

1 commento:

  1. Fantastico! Soprattutto "a random town ending with 'acco'


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