THE REAL ORIGINS OF CORONAVIRUS
Diego Manna
Monon Behavior Research Department
Abstract
We live in a period of great longhi, in which a lot of people is obligated to stay at home fancazzing. For a great number of triestins this is a dream that is just avveranding, but however comunq some syntoms of malcontent are coming out and a lot of people is searching the origins of coronavirus to give them sazie lignade. We investigate all this great scagazz in order to give an answer to this question.
Key words: Leonardo, Caro Cogoi, furlans, Conte, frico
Introduction
We live in time of quarantene causated by the worldwide scagott for coronavirus (Conte, 2020). The first days were not so bad, spaving a lot, gratanding the balotoles and watching pornhub that was a gratis (Burlasconi, 2020). However, now, at the third week of reclusion, people begin to diventar cofe of staying home, inventing a lot of unuseful activities just to make something, like alenanding his dog to ciapar the coronavirus (Fig. 1).
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| Fig. 1. A dog that have ciapated a fake coronavirus |
The aim of this study is to give the final answer to preocupated people in order to:
1. understand who must be inbiavated;
2. understand when the quarantene will finish.
Material and method
To obtain our data, we decided to monitorate the situation in the streets of the desert city of Triest. However, even if we were in possess of the autocertificazion version 14 written on the carta de cul to give it more valor, a lot of people from the windows send us to remengo ziganding "stè casa", fotografanding us and metending us on the faceboog group "Diventa anche ti un scerifo de facebook", so we ciapated a vagonade of damer that even our golden reserve of carta de cul did not bastar (Iaspi, 2020) (Fig. 2).
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| Fig. 2. Facebook's sceriffs in action. |
So, we decided to use the sbisiganding and cucanding on the social method, also known as making the cazzs of the other method, obviously focusing our attention on Triest because other cities we don't have pel cool and who key himself - chi se ciava.
Results
As a first result, we found that people reacted in different ways to the quarantene.
At the iniz, people simply decided to not gaver too much pel cool and just wash their hands, eat more radic' and less looganighes (also because there are less looganighes than days), condir all the magnar with the kren and missiate all the bever with a bic' of brinjavec.
Then, with the increment of the CCSC (Caro Cogoi Semo Cagai) index, triestins became everyday more cagated and stufadizs. So they began to write more to Segnalazioni, to make longer tours with the dogs and to activament zercar more cantiers where they could scassate the marons to the workers. Then, when they noticed that there were everyday less workers in the cantiers and that the dogs of Triest were always all sad because the bar were closed (Lutazzi, 1957), they began to invent new occupations at home.
At first these occupations were innoque things like remenghing each other on facebook groups, making flashmobs from the windows like singing all together "La scoresa", or sbisighing with pornhub premium a gratis domandanding themselves what is the difference with normal pornhub: maybe the babes have bigger tetons.
Then, these occupations became everyday things very similar to new type of jobs, like social influencer in potato-strucker (strucapatate-pigiamone), oste of the osmizainpergolo (Fig. 3), first magazinier specialized in gestion of the carta de cool, contadin piantanding matavilz, youtuber ginnast with the panza and even artigian making fantasious quarantene temathic lavorets (Fig. 4).
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| Fig. 3. The osmiza in pergolo of Beatrice |
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| Fig. 4. The artistic lavorets of the triestins ispired by the quarantene |
In pratic, with the increment of the CGSC index and the passar of the quarantene, the triestins loose their innate scazzo attitude and have a great impenade of the FRIUL (Furlan Ricercante Insaziabilmente Un Lavor) rate, that at great valors lead to a psycological disturb also known as FURLANITE (Codroipo, 1998).
We found a second important result in our microscopic analysis of the coronavirus. Nobody noticed it before, but the coronavirus is praticament identic to a frico (Fig. 5).
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| Fig. 5. The coronavirus (left) vs frico (right). |
Discussion
Somanding all our results and fazending 2+2, it seems clear that the coronavirus is a evil furlan creation, invented to increase the FRIUL rate of the triestins until they will be all ciapated by the FURLANITE and will begin to work as a furlan.
Probably something went wrong in the laboratory where the furlans were sbisiganding with this coronavirus, and someone sconfonded it with a frico, magnated it and diffused it in all the world.
The situation seems to be very longhi, as can be seen in this highly professional graphic.
If the Caro Cogoi Semo Cagai index continue increasing at the normal ritm, we will reach the FURLANITE on 13/4, pasqueta.
It seems very important instead to sbassar the ritm of the CCSC index in order to sbassar also the curve of the FRIUL rate and normalizate the triestin scazz at a VDFSI (Voia De Far Saltime Indosso) level.
Conclusion
The coronavirus is clearly a furlan experiment gone to remengo from a laboratory in Friul. Now it is very important to stay calm and to regulate the Caro Cogoi Semo Cagai index in order to evitar of being ciapated by bad acute FURLANITE.
Triestins: just stay home and don't make a clinz.
And about the revenge on furlans... just think that also them must stay at home without working, one of the worst torture for a furlan.
References
Burlasconi S. 2020. Remengo Gheddafi, viva la Gafi. Better a durex than a dura lex ediction.
Codroipo D. 1998. Alore, vonde monadis.
Conte G. 2020. 50 sfumature di decreto.
Iaspi G. 2020. Runner de damer. The manual of the lofio from the window.
Lutazzi L. 1957. Solo davanti a un fiasco de vin quel fiol de un can fa le feste. Can de Trieste records.
Salveenee M. 2020. Papete cocktails menù: the Leonardo (mojito and corona beer). Food ricetts for influencer 49: 4-9
Furlan advisory: se scherza, ve volemo ben :)
P.S. (parte seria): vista l’importanza di restare nelle proprie case e vista la concomitante chiusura delle scuole, abbiamo deciso di attivare, per chi lo volesse, la consegna a domicilio del gioco BARKOLANA, completo di espansione MATI PER BARKOLANA, al prezzo “d’emergenza” di 10 euro (il prezzo normale dei due giochi è di 30 euro), pagamento in contrassegno. Chi fosse interessato a riceverlo a domicilio scriva una mail a manna@bora.la indicando l’indirizzo di consegna. Consegneremo tendenzialmente la mattina dopo. L’offerta è valida solo all’interno del Comune di Trieste. Attiva anche la consegna a domicilio di tutti gli altri libri. Trovate l'elenco completo qua.
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