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martedì 1 marzo 2016

The infinite sadness of the Val Rosandra evil plan

E bon ah. Tuti assolti perchè gnanche pel cul dei, uacciuari.
It's ok to eat fish cause they don't have any feelings. Figurite i alberi.

Alora ne par giusto ricordar la Val Rosandra cussì, tirando fora sto studio, per non dimenticare, ma piuttosto mandar in m... bon dei gavè capì, fa anche rima, xe poesia ;)


The Val Rosandra evil plan 
DIEGO MANNA
Monon Behavior Research Department 

Abstract 
On 24 March 2012 the Val Rosandra Natural Reserve has been spelachiated by a too much zelant brivez while neting the river. A lot of trees have been tirated down. Now, a lot of porconis are being tirated down by ecologists and people, that are asking themselves the reasons of this excessive action. We analyzed all the hypothesis and finally found the real evil hidden plan. 

Key words: gas intestinal, tav, ailanto, alien, lanfur

Introduction 
On 24 March 2012, the region Friul Venice Julie began an important series of netaments of the regional rivers. Most of the rivers were obviously in the Friul, like the Meduna or the Isonzo, that is the confin between Friul and Venice Julie. However, for par condicio, the region decided that also a triestin river was to be netated. Some proposed the Timavo, but they answered that it’s sconted under the ground so it’s difficult to netar it. Some proposed the Rio Ospo, but they answered that they don’t want to go to Brazil. At the end the selected river was the Rosandra.
Some told them that Val Rosandra is a Natural Reserve, but they answered that there are no problem, if they will be in reserve, they will go to make benza in jugo that is vizin and cost less.
Some told them that Val Rosandra is a SIC, but they answered that there are no problem, SIC means SIChesepol, in contrast with the typical triestin Nosepol.
Some told them that Val Rosandra is a ZPS, but they answered “E che coioni!”, and said that there are no problem because ZPS means Zona de Potatura Strong (Grignani, 1997).
During the operations, the brivezs were a little too imborezated and cut the Val Rosandra at scartazet (Fig. brivez). A lot of big and important trees like piopps, ontans and saleecees were tirated down with a great damage for the natural equilibrium of the Reserve. Also, this was made in a season very important for the reproduction of a lot of animalets of the Reserve, like usels and ampheebios (Vera, 2003). So now ecologists, “ambientalists of salott” (Cereeanee, 2012) and people in general are really incazated black and, between a porcon and another, want to know the reason of this spelachiament, that an Ordinary Professor of Botanic (i.e. "a person with a personal ambientalist salott in the University of Triest". Cereeanee, 2012) defined ambiental disaster (Nimis, 2012).

Fig. Brivez: Val Rosandra and the infinite sadness. Photo by Dario Gasparo


Material and methods
To understand what’s happened, we use the first person scoionament reading method, a variant of the solit first person scoionament sampling method (Manna, 2009), that consist in reading a lot of things about Val Rosandra and then drinking a spritz to dimenticar the sadness of the spelachiated Reserve and then ligar yourself on the trees to boicottate future brivez actions.

Result and discussion
We analyzed different hypothesis to explain the new scartazet look of Val Rosandra:

The furlan plan
As the assessor of ambient responsible of the operations, Ceereeanee, is furlan, a corrent of pensier thinks that this is the first phase of an evil lanfur plan to conquer Triest. The second phase will be to plant panoces in Val Rosandra. Panoces OGM, with the anti-triestin gene inplanted, that will trasform all the triestins in people who love work. Panic.

The TAV plan 
Another corrent of pensier is convinted that this disboscament is the first step for the realization of the TAV. Infact, as in Val di Susa there are still great problems, they have decided to build the TAV here because in this way they will recycle all the cartels that were za pront. They will only scanzielate “di Susa” and write “Rosandra”, with a great risparm of bori.

The conspiration plan 
Some believe that this is part of a biggest conspiratory plan in which there are involved aliens, chimic scies, 2012, the murders of JFK, Sauron, Tito and also the most terrible one: Quel mona che bate la porta (e chiude urlando) (BigFlies, 2012).

The vecionis plan
There are some interceptations of dialogues between vecionis that contain allarmant indizs. In particular, the vecionis exclaim a lot of time “una volta qua iera tuta campagna” and “no xe più la bora de una volta”. Furthermore, the vecionis individuated in the trees the cause of the rallentament of the bora. So, to ristabilir the conditions of the tempi andai co se stava meo co se stava pezo, the vecionis have a great enemy: the trees.

The ailanto plan
This is a very interesting and realistic theory. The ailanto is an infesting tree with great capacity of diffusing itself. One of its best strategy is to take mental control of humans and obligate them to plant other ailanti in all the world. This human state of mind is called “il morbo di ailo” and it’s very easy to recognize it, because the human with the “morbo di ailo” exclaim a lot of times during the day the word “Ailo!”. It is evident that in Triest all the population have the morbo di ailo and are controlled by the ailanti. The second part of the ailanto plan is, obviously, to plant a lot of ailanti in Val Rosandra. Ailo!

The grigliata de pasqueta plan
Some people think that the above hypothesis are too complex and that all is instead very simple. This year there will be a great grigliata de pasqueta in Val Rosandra, and there were too many trees that were making ombre. Now there will be more sun and also it will be easier to ciapate some animals for the grigliate.

The Ikea plan
Peoples in blue and yellow who cutted the trees were really IKEA clones from Villesse and as we speak the piopps, ontans and noces are being transformed into furnitures by busy lanfurs for their secret Triangle of the Chair base beneath the rotonda of Manzàn (Tout, personal communication).

The Gas Intestinal Plan
The last current of pensier thinks that this is the secret evil plan of Gas Intestinal to make its rigassificator without other rompiments of balls from triestins and ambientalists of salott. The rigassificator will be built in Val Rosandra and will use the water of the Rosandra river, so no one will scassar the maroons for the sea ecosystem. Another ambiental problem was the use of the cloro in the stabiliment. Nema problema: the water with the cloro coming out from the rigassificator will be put in a giant piscine, so all the triestin citizens will be happy for their new balnear stabiliment, in the middle of a Natural Reserve. Figada. Also, as the freshwater has a inferior density of the marine water, it will be easier to schizzar higher while clanfing and the future Clanfa Olympiads will be organized here. Some solit disfattists may say that the gasier ships will not rivar there. Gas Intestinal has yet thought about this, and will scavate the Rio Ospo in order to let it reach Val Rosandra. As these are very smart considerations, at least as smart as the plan of building it in the Zaule ploc', we think that this is the correct explanation of the Val Rosandra scartazet new look.

Conclusion 
There are many hypothesis for the spelachiament of Val Rosandra, but we think that the most credible is that it is the first step of the construction of the Gas Intestinal rigassificator here. However, also the ailanto plan is really a convincent theory. Ailo!

Acknowledgements 
We are sad for what’s happened in Val Rosandra and we hope that in future these operations ask the parer of the ambientalists of salott that study these ecosystems from a life. We will thanks all people who will manifestate their empathy for nature without making casin in the Reserve and without planting plants in the Reserve, that is a tacon worst of the buso.

References 
BigFlies G. 2012. Se venite avanti ancora vi dò un pugno. Gaetano 12: 3-5
Ceereeanee L. 2012. Ambientalisti da salotto. Ed. Canapè
Grignani G. 1997. Ti raserò l’aiuola. Un disco de Grignani che desso no me ricordo dei.
Manna D. 2009. Miramare-Opicina: a preliminary study on the best bicycle way. Monon behavior Vol. 69 No. 90: 9-12. Bianca&Volta edizioni.
Nimis P.L. 2012. L’intervento effettuato in Val Rosandra si configura come un vero e proprio disastro ambientale. Facebook note
Vera P. 2003. Primavera e usei nele zone umide. Wetlands kamasutra 23: 2-5.


P.S. stiamo lavorando al nuovo progetto LA GALINA CON TRE TESTE, CD di canzoni popolari triestine in versione punk, rock e pop.
Potete sostenere il progetto e partecipare al crowdfunding pre-ordinando una copia del CD a questo link.
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