Nosepolis e Bondeifemo, le città dei contro e dei pro

Martedì scorso, alla presentazione de L'osmiza sul mare alla Biblioteca Comunale Quarantotti Gambini, si è parlato anche di nosepolismo cosmico e nogascopismo :)
E quindi quale migliore lettura se non la storia di Nosepolis e Bondeifemo, le città dei contro e dei pro.
Per chi non è potuto passare, ci sarà una nuova presentazione mercoledì 31 maggio alle 17 presso la Biblioteca Comunale Stelio Mattioni.
Passate a trovarci! :)





L'Osmiza sul mare lo trovate in tutte le librerie di Trieste e Bisiacaria a 10 euri.
Oppure comodamente online a questo link.
O anche in formato ebook.

FOLLOW THE WHITE COCAL!

300 anni di Maria Teresa? Volentieri, la ghe la presenti a Macron

Eh niente. La mattina ti svegli, sfogli il Piccolo, e trovi sempre tante belle perle di saggezza.
Ecco la segnalazione sulla movida senza un poco de quel che se ciama :D

Top.

P.S. E' tornato il Monon Behavior in edizione ampliata e remasterizata! Lo trovate a soli 5 euri in libreria a Trieste, in Bisiacaria oppure comodamente online a questo link oppure in  versione ebook.

Troppe birre fanno diventare gay: lo dice la scienza

Nel ricordarvi che oggi è l'ultimo giorno di Pint of Science (programma sul link), appuntamento che mescola scienza e birrette, non potevamo fare a meno di notare questo importantissimo studio scientifico:

Riassumendo, i muloni hanno condotto lo studio fuori da un bar intervistando svariate bevandele, misurandone il tasso alcolico e l'attrazione mostrata per dei video de omini e de babete.

I ricercatori hanno trovato che:

1. Le babe no ga pel cul.
2. Gli uomini bevandele invece se incocalissi sia per video de babe che per video de omini, seguendo il famoso detto "buso xe buso e... " bon, savè come che va avanti...

Ovviamente noi del Monon Behavior Research Department non possiamo astenerci dal far notare che unendo i risultati 1 e 2 in pratica si capisce che quando uno prova a ubriacare una baba per ingrumarla, in realtà non funziona, se imbriaga lui e dopo chissà cossa ingruma (tanto no se ricorderà)...
Un unico dubbio che ci fa notare l'amico Claudio Pacchialat: siamo sicuri non fossero birre anal?

Lo studio va comunque sicuramente ampliato, per cui non resta altro che incominciar a frequentar bareti ogni sera e via ;)
Magari cominciando da stasera a Pint of science ;)

P.S. E' tornato il Monon Behavior in edizione ampliata e remasterizata! Lo trovate a soli 5 euri in libreria a Trieste, in Bisiacaria oppure comodamente online a questo link oppure in  versione ebook.

Trieste: European City of Science 2020?

Il Monon Behavior Research Department non poteva non dare il proprio sostegno per la candidatura di Trieste a Città Europea della Scienza 2020.
Appena abbiamo saputo che la Commissione avrebbe dovuto leggere un report di 200 pagine, subito ci siamo messi nei loro panni e abbiamo esclamato "che coioni!".
Quindi abbiamo prodotto questo paper di 4 pagine che semplificherà di molto il lavoro ai muloni che devono prendere questa difficile decisione. Daghe!

Trieste: European City of Science 2020?

DIEGO MANNA

Monon Behavior Research Department

Abstract

The marvelous city of Trieste is one of the two candidates to become the European City of Science 2020. We provide here a fundamental study to help the Supervisory Committee in its difficult final decision without reading a long full bid, saving in this way a lot of precious time that could instead be spent happily in Trieste. Yes, obviously we sustain Trieste. Even with psychological subliminal colored brain manipulation. Trieste. Trieste. Trieste is good. You love Trieste.

Key words: ESOF, cevapčiči, pint of science, no se pol, hangover 

Introduction

ESOF (EuroScience Open Forum) is the largest interdisciplinary science meeting in Europe. This biennial European forum brings together over 4,000 researchers, educators, business actors, policy makers and journalists from all over the world to discuss breakthroughs in science and give them a platform for discussions on science and society, policy and business issues.

Yes, the part above is a shameless copy-paste from the web. But this is the introduction, and the introduction is always a clever work of copy-paste (Vinavil, 2016).

At the end of the first selection, two candidates remained in play to host the ESOF and become European City of Science 2020: Trieste and the combo Leiden/The Hague in the Netherlands. As Leiden and The Hague are actually two different cities, some wise strategists suggested to Trieste to ally with its historic evil neighbor enemy: the city of Udine. But Trieste heroically refused and will face the last battle only with its own force, as shown in fig. Yoda (Yoda, 32 BBY).

Fig. Yoda. Yoda encouraging Trieste to face the battle alone.

So, now Trieste has to produce a complete full bid of 200 pages to convince the Supervisory Committee to select it. 200 pages. Yes, 200 pages.

Even if you read them very rapidly it will take about 3 minutes/page (Vicki the Robot, 1986), for a total of 3 x 200 = 600 minutes, i.e. 10 hours, i.e. more than an entire day of work, i.e. more than an entire month of work for triestin people.

As we know that this could be a very boring and long job, with this paper we want to help the Supervisory Committee to take its final decision without reading nothing. Only this short paper. Because short is better. Like Maradona. Or Messi.

P.s. You love Trieste.

Material and methods

To collect data for this report we used the first person wine-break sampling method (Depardieu, 2013), living directly for 38 years the peculiarity of the city and speaking with other scientists during coffeewine-break about Trieste.

We also use the subliminal colored brain manipulation, but you must not be aware of this. Trieste rulez.

Results

The main result of the important wine-break brainstorming sessions are shown in fig. Hangover.

Fig. Hangover: Mačka, also known as the dog of Trieste, after a wine-break brainstorming session.

However, a lot of interesting secondary results were obtained, as shown below:

Scientific background:

Trieste seems to be perfect to host the ESOF 2020 for its great number of organizations and people involved in science:

• ICTP (International Centre for Theoretical Physics)
• SISSA (International School for Advanced Studies)
• University of Trieste
• Area Science Park
• Elettra-Sincrotrone
• OGS (National Institute of Oceanography and Experimental Geophysics)
• ICS (International Center for Science)
• ICGEB (International Centre for Genetic Engineering and Biotechnology)
• TWAS (The World Academy of Science for the advancement of science in developing countries)
• UWC (United World College) Adriatic
• IS (Immaginario Scientifico)
• OATs (Astronomical Observatory of Trieste)
• FIT (Fondazione Internazionale Trieste)
• IAP (InterAcademy Panel on International Issues)
• IAMP (InterAcademy Medical Panel)
• COSTIS (Consortium on Science, Technology and Innovation for the South)
• AMP Miramare, the first Marine Protected Area in Italy
• Pint of Science Trieste

And, last but not least, Monon Behavior, the first Research Department that use the scientific method for useless and demential triestin things.

Geographic position:

Trieste has a perfect central position:

1. It is exactly on the border between East and West Europe. So you can easily find occidental beers as well as top quality eastern beers.

2. Trieste is also on the border between North and South: now it is in the industrious North of Italy, but for 500 years it was the lazy South of the old Austro-Hungarian Empire.

This cultural melting pot is reflected also by the food, and you will find pasta and pizza as well as cevapčiči, pljeskavice, razniči, goulash and jota.

However, there is still a big wall in Trieste, the last wall in Europe: the wall of the Pedocin, the only beach where males and females are happily separated (Fig. Pedocin). Ten years ago, the proposal of breaking down the wall was followed by a popular insurrection to maintain it. 

Fig. Pedocin. The wall of Pedocin, separating males (left) from females (right).

Accessibility:

Trieste in his history experimented all the three great dictatorial regimes: Fascism, Nazism and Communism.

Also, the actual mayor was born in the evil rival neighbor city of Udine (Manna, 2017).

As you can notice, Trieste is even too much accessible.

Business plan:

Trieste is the capital of istrianism, i.e. the capacity of saving money. So there will be no problem for this. We will buy slovenian gasoline, beers and medicine, so the budget will be easily affordable.

Motto:

The historic motto of the city is: No se pol, that means something like “No, you can't”.

Can you choose Leiden and The Hague instead of Trieste? The answer is obviously: “No se pol”.

Hotels and conference facilities:

Trieste is a touristic city so it's full of hotels, restaurants and nice places where people can meet and relax.

But the real peculiarity of Trieste is the osmiza. Osmizas are small farms, each of them opens two weeks a year to sell its own products: eggs, ham, cheese, bread and wine.

Osmiza is the triestin endemism that you will love at first sight (fig. Osmiza).

Fig. Osmiza. The rapresentation of Heaven.

Preparation of the event:

Trieste has one of the greatest percent of over65 in Europe (Cecchelin, 1955). So, there will be a lot of old people watching the construction sites, controlling that everything is made con un poco de quel che se ciama, i.e. as in the old times, when everything was always done better (Fig. Umarells).

Fig. Umarells. Old people coordinating the street works. Photo from www.atrieste.eu

Discussion

From our results, it seems to be clear that Trieste is the perfect choice for the ESOF 2020. Its position and accessibility mixed with its high scientific background is yet a great attribute, but the thing that make Trieste obligatory is obviously the osmizas.

There is a clear correlation between osmizas and science, as shown in the graphic below (Manna, 2016).

Open osmizas vs triestin scientific production from 1990 to 2015.

Finally, osmizas easily explain why everybody loves Trieste:

You love osmiza. Osmiza is Trieste → You love Trieste.

This demonstration is so logical that it doesn't need any further discussion. However, if asked, other discussions could be done in Trieste 2020, obviously in osmiza.

Conclusion

The paper surely gave to the Supervisory Committee a good help for their final decision.

However, this short report resulted not as short as we wanted. This is because Trieste is such a wonderful city that we could continue in the description of its peculiarities for at least... 200 pages. Ok, we think you must read also the complete official full bid. Surely you'll find other important reasons to select Trieste. The first one, obviously, is that you love Trieste.

Acknowledgements

Thanks to every person that loves Trieste and that will read this important paper up to this point.

And thanks to Yoda. Yes, we will use the force!

References

Cecchelin A. 1955. Old people: they must be killed yet in their childhood. Veci col capel 5: 45-49.

Depardieu G. 2013. 13 bottles a day keep the doctor away. In vino veritas.

Manna D. 2016. L'osmiza sul mare. Bora.La

Manna D. 2017. The clanfa: a rare triestin endemism. Monon Behavior remasterizated: 18-23.

Vicki the Robot. 1986. Reading... done.

Vinavil B. 2016. Introductions for dummies.

Yoda. 32 BBY. Trieste, use the force. Star Wars real quotes changed by Lucas for avid purposes: 124.

Bon, se volete lo studio tutto bel in pdf per spedirlo in giro potete scaricarlo qui. 

Fatene buon uso!

P.S. E' tornato il Monon Behavior in edizione ampliata e remasterizata! Lo trovate a soli 5 euri in libreria a Trieste, in Bisiacaria oppure comodamente online a questo link oppure in  versione ebook.

El tran de Opcina xe nato disgrazià. La dimostrazione scientifica.

Oggi torna in libreria il primissimo Monon Behavior, da tempo esaurito.
E lo fa con una veste nuova, grazie alla copertina di Erika Ronchin (auguri! oggi è il suo compleanno!), e con ben 3 studi extra e altre monadine extra.
Insomma 20 pagine in più dell'edizione originale. Daghe!
E altra roba per la gioia delle spinazze... il tutto a un euro in meno! Il Monon Behavior Remasterizated costa infatti solo 5 euri!
Lo trovate già in libreria a Trieste, presto in Bisiacaria oppure comodamente online sulla Botega triestina oppure in versione ebook.
Ed ecco l'anteprima!


Is the Tran of Opcine really born disgraziated?

DIEGO MANNA
Monon Behavior Research Department

Abstract
A famous local triestin song says that the tran of Opcine is born disgraziated, and this seems to be the reason why it is always inciodated. We collected some data in order to estabilish if this is true and if the most famous and loved triestin mezz of transport is in some way salvable or if it is destinated to go no more to Opcine, but to Remengo.

Key words: remengo, cavala zelante, Austria, furlans, stropacul

Introduction
One of the most important touristic attraction of Triest is the famous Tran of Opcine, an old small railway that colleg the center of the city to Opcine, in the Altipiano, sburtanding a lot to rampigate itself for about 300 meters of dislivel.
However, the tran is very often broken, so the tourists are obligated to visit other triestin attractions, like the bus 36 in summer with the spuzon of scaios or the 17/ with the universitarian nacici or the 20 during the Muja Carnival fracated with a lot of garbanting muleti (Sors, in press).
The reason of this continuous rompidures remains a mistery, even if there is an old triestin song that affirms that simply the tran of Opcine is born disgraziated (Beps, 2016).
This song may be correct, as the maximum pearls of saggezz in Triest are expressed propr by popular songs, like for example:
- “I have a horse that walk zelant and strassinate herself with the ass”.
- “If the mother ask you where is Bertolin, Bertolin has gone to casin”.
- “The fart is a natural thing, who molate the fart will liberate himself from a mal” (Fig. Mal).
- “If I’m paleeda as a straze, vinaze vinaze and fiasks of wine”.
- “And Austria has capoozee that you cannot eat” (Marisa, 1987).
So, the aim of this study is to evaluate if the tran is really born disgraziated or not, and if it is, to understand what we can do to save it.

Fig. Mal. Guy farting, liberanding himself from a Mal.

Material and methods
We used the first person brainsorzing sparing cazadas method to acumulate a good number of indizs about the disgraziety of the tran. Then we evaluated the disgraz factor of each indiz utilizing the scale REMENGO: Rapid Emigration in Mona Enforced by the New Geriatric Order, that is a unit of measure based on how many time an old insempiated triestin send you in mona or to remengo (Patoco, 2012). If the REMENGO SUPREMO is reached, the tran is surely born disgraziated.

Results
We found these indizs about the disgraziety of the Tran de Opcina:

Ambiguous name: some veciones brontolate that it is not correct to write “tran”, but you have to write “tram”, because its etymology derives from the english word “tramway”. But it also may derive from the italian word “tranvai”, so tran may be ugualment correct.
However, an old insempiated exclamated a “remengo, che coioni dei!” imediatament when the word “etymology” appeared in this study, so we assigned 10 REMENGO points.

Being a turistic attraction: for this reason, as all the other triestin touristic attraction, the tran of Opcine is under the nefast effects of the carocogoic malediction of Miramar, and automatically goes to remengo (without passing from the VIA).
REMENGO points: 50

Austrungaric origins: as all other things born under Austria, the tran is subject to the law “se stava meo co se stava pezo” (Teresa, 1762), and has gone automatically to remengo with the arrive of Italy.
REMENGO points: 50.

Lego version: yes, the tran has a Lego version (Note Lego). But, as always, a young mocoloso will zogar too much and will dispicate everything, sending it to REMENGO (10 points).

Incomplete route: the tran is very powerful and rampigate itself de stracagars from Triest to Opcine, where it stops its percors. The old veciones are very incazated for this, because they wanted a real complete osmiza tour, slonganding to Samatorz, Prepot, Malchine, Prosek etc, to impetessar themselves without risking the patent. So the obvious REMENGO is servited (20 points).

Presence of evil portabikes: the tran has the portabikes and can portar three bikes. For the old veciones this is diabolic, because everybody knows their mantra “Trieste no xe per bici”. For this the heretic tran takes 50 REMENGO points.

Riparations always with furia: the tran was made in 1902 by austriacs in 11 months. Now, when it’s broken, it takes at least 1 or 2 years to indrizate it. It is evident that in 2017 these riparations are made with too much furia. The correct modus operandi would be the old pearl of saggezz “Pian e ben, e se no ben almeno pian” (Cagoia, 1921), so the cantier for the riparations would last a lot of years and all the veciones would be happy to watch it.
REMENGO points: 10.

Fastidious esortative in the name: the name tranvai can be scomposed in “Tran, vai!” that is a clear incitament to efficiency and to work. The tran, that is triestin inside, will have a great girament of marones for this reason and will answer “Va ti ah se te ga tuta sta voia!”. Or, if it is in good journade, he will simply answer “Volentieri”.
REMENGO points: 30.

Furlan cospiracy: the song of the tran of Opcine seems to be an evil furlan malediction mascherated.
They tradited themselves with this verse: “Bona de Dio, iera giorno de lavor”. Noone in Triest would write a verse with a so spiccated lanfur philosophy. Instead, a real triestin would write “Che coioni, iera giorno de lavor” or “Bona de Dio, iera tuti in osmiza”.
REMENGO points: 1000

Discussion
Sommanding all the indizs, we reach a REMENGO level of 1230 points. We are very very over the REMENGO SUPREMO level, as you can see in figure Remengo.

Fig. Remengo. The tran, going to Remengo. Futizated photo of Cayo! Effe de Forum Trieste. 

So, it is evident that the tran is really born disgraziated, and the last indiz also tell us the primary cause:
The tran is affected by a powerful furlan malediction, contained in its song, secretly written by the lanfurs a long long time ago and donated like a trojan horse to the inconscious triestins, probably aprofintanding of a moment in which they weren’t attent, maybe in summer, at Barcola (Scazz, 1995).
So, the only way to save the tran from going to Remengo is to cancel this furlan malediction, and we know how to do it.

The cure is based on this simple ragionament:
1. The furlan malediction sends the tran to Remengo.
2. “Va remengo” is very similar to “Va cagar” (Patoco, 2012).
1+2 → The furlan malediction send the tran to cagar.
So, the perfect cure is simply a Rosa canina, also known as stropacul. Magnanding it, the tran will no more go to cagar, and neither to remengo.

Conclusion
From our study it is evident that the tran is really born disgraziated. This is dovuted to a furlan malediction mascherated in the popular song “El tran de Opcina” (even if the correct name of the song is “La nuova bora”, but pochi sa).
However, we have the cure, so we need to be fully finanziated to experiment it. Also, we must ciapar a lot of public scheis to realize our revenge plan on furlans. We must perfezionate a malediction that transforms all their semenzes of panoces in semenzes of kren, that is velenous for lanfurs (Guf, 2010).
Chi la fa la spetic.

Acknowledgements
We thanks the tran for being our favourite mezz of transport since childhood. And we know, maybe it is not disgraziated, but just a little bit too triestin, so it has not voia de lavorar and makes a lot of pause cikin that last some years. Eh bon ah.

Note Lego
The mulon Diego Mozina has per bon realizated a lego tran (Fig. Lego). Now he needs our help: with 10.000 likes the tram could be produced by Lego. You can contribuite in this site.

Fig. Lego. The Lego version of the tran realizated by Diego Mozina.

References
Beps. 2016. El tran de Opcina rock version. La galina con tre teste
Marisa. 1987. But how mandeengo was that jovinot. Colpo de reni popular songs.
Cagoia G. 1921. How to write a book pian and. Incomplete opera.
Guf E. 2010. Con la kriptonite te mazi superman, ma el kren xe velenoso per un mulo furlan. Ga copà un furlan in bagno. The dark side of the spritz.
Patoco T. 2012. Remengo facebook che no ga el boton remengo. Remengo editore. Anzi, remengo tuti.
Scazz B. 1995. La vita che mi voio xe a Barcola su un scoio. Moleme day.
Sors F. In press.  Beyond the tram: four coriere that need to be ciapated to be a real triestin patoc. Monon Behavior Quel
Teresa M. Kartofen in tecen mit panzeten. Asburgo kulinarien kul in arien.


Bon, e desso tutti in libreria a ciorre una copia del Monon Behavior! Altrimenti la maledizione lanfur non scomparirà nemmeno con un stropacul! ;)

America first, Trieste second

Per chi ancora non l'avesse visto, eccolo qua. Il messaggio di Trieste al presidente americano Donald Trump.
Daghe!
E una gradissima sorpresa: torna il primo libro Monon Behavior, rivisto, corretto e ampliato con ben 3 studi in più.
Domani l'anteprima: is the tran of Opcine really born disgraziated?
No steve perderlo ciò! Nele librerie più bobe a 5 euri!

Bon, e desso bona vision!

I NOSTRI LIBRI E GIOCHI:

Care segnalazioni: ghe volessi un poco de... tedesco

Torna la moralizzatrice Franca C. Porfirio in grande spolvero con questa ottima segnalazione che unisce etica comportamentale del quel che se ciama e linguistica europeista. Ostregheta.

Care segnalazioni, la rubrica con le segnalazioni più cool di Trieste.

I NOSTRI LIBRI E GIOCHI: